


Invisible Secret

by bubbley_blue



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor (UK) RPF
Genre: Bullying, Harry-centric, Larry Stylinson (slowbuild), Louis-centric, M/M, Night Terrors, Non-Graphic Smut, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Secrets, Sobbing, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4215033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubbley_blue/pseuds/bubbley_blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis was the leader.<br/>Liam was the smart one.<br/>Zayn was vain.<br/>Niall was the funny one.</p><p>… and Harry. Harry was broken.</p><p>--</p><p>A non-canon story following the boys during their X-Factor Era. Things get off on a rocky start, but they soon bond and get to learn more about each other. But one of the boys is keeping a secret from the others - a secret which will soon be revealed in the most horrendous way possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This follows the boys during their X-Factor time. As it is non-canon it doesn't follow the events that happend and thus the songs they sing each week will not (always) be the songs they sang during X-Factor.
> 
> Heads up - this chapter contains swearing.  
> (Before each chapter I will post warnings for what's to come in case it may be found triggering for some!)
> 
> Please enjoy!

A group of twenty something boys stood huddled together backstage. Some of them had dried tear tracks running down their cheeks. Most of them still had wet eyes. A boy with curly hair was standing in the back, chewing anxiously on his fingernail. He looked around the cluster of young boys, each and every one of them looking equally as nervous as he did.

A man with a headset, the same guy who had called them back, came walking out from a door labelled with ‘ _personal only_ ’.

“Listen up,” he said. He lifted a piece of paper and scrunched his eyebrows together as he read a few sentences on said paper. “When- or if I call your name, please step forward.” He coughed, before clearing his throat. “Liam Payne. Zayn Malik. Louis Tomlinson. Niall Horan. And Harry Styles. That’s it”.

The rest of the unnamed boys walked away with their heads hung low and their hearts broken once more. Some of them, maybe even most of them, had gotten their hopes up – they’d watched the show before. They knew what this could mean. Once again they’d waited for their name to be called and once again they were met with disappointing emptiness and silence.

The five boys whose name had been called looked around each other. Uncertain and anxious eyes blinked around as they took in the boys standing next to them. The oldest lad was nervously biting on the skin just right beneath his nails, as was the only blond boy. Both of them had a sparkle in their eyes, excited to see what this would mean for them. Next to the oldest boy stood a boy who’d been there before. He looked around the four other lads, hesitation in his eyes but anticipation still in his heart.

A young boy with jet-black hair stood right next to a boy with curly hair. The curls were not visible at the moment as they were hidden behind a big beanie. No, Zayn knew this because the boy had sat next to him during the dance part. They’d both been placed in the same group – number seven, and both of them had been uneasy about the whole routine. Harry, the young lad, had never uttered a word to Zayn and in return the older boy hadn’t initiated conversation either. He gulped down a collection of saliva and followed the other boys as the TV assistant motioned for them to follow him.

One by one, walking in a line, the five boys made their way back unto the main stage. The spot light blinded the boys, but five pairs of eyes all turned their attention towards the three judges. No one noticed a second group consisting of mainly girls walking unto the stage as well. 

“Hello,” said Nicole once the five boys and four girls had taken their place upon the stage. All of the boys had their arms slung around each other, while the girls held hands. Nicole was met with a chorus of ‘hi’ to which she only smiled. She quickly thanked them for coming back. “I know,” she said speaking into the microphone and scanning over the two groups standing in front of her, “judging from some of your faces that this is really hard.”

From their right side the five boys could hear the group of girls sniffling and mumbling soft ‘yes’ and ‘yeah’. But the boys themselves remained silent. They listened carefully as Nicole and then Simon explained that they simply had not been interesting enough as solo artists. It broke Liam’s heart to hear those words muttered from Nicole – somehow he’d been more interesting when he was fourteen years old. He’d made it further the last time. But he kept his tongue and listened as the judges went on about their plans for them.

“We think it would be a great idea to have two separate groups.” The girls’ sniffles turned into quiet sobs as they also started to realize what this all meant.

The boys looked around each other, before Louis muttered the words: “are we to dual against them?” he whispered to Liam while nodding his head towards the four girls. The younger boy merely shrugged and turned his attention back towards the judges.

Simon was watching them with his ever ‘emotionless’ facial expression – emotionless was maybe the wrong word to use as he did show emotion. His face radiated happiness and amusement, sympathy and sadness. And somewhere on this wrinkled lines he also showed a bit of arrogance and self-lovingness, as if he was the best thing to have ever happened on this earth. He lifted his own microphone and after a few seconds he smirked and nodded, “we’ve decided to put you both through. 

Relief washed over the nine young individuals as they heard the exact words they’d been hoping for. For a second the five boys stood still before the words finally hit them. They were through. They weren’t going home. The youngest one squatted down, his hands going to his head as he took in the newfound information. Besides him the remaining four lads started jumping, Niall even giving out squeals of excitement. When he finally stood it was with his hands covering his mouth as tears washed over him again. Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn all had their arms around each other and they pulled in the last member and hugged each other for the first time as a band.

 

\--

 

Once the adrenaline had all settled down, the five boys found a quiet area just behind the main building. Four of them had all called home to deliver the exciting news. Niall hadn’t been able to get in contact with his parents, but he’d left a voicemail, screaming for a whole five minutes that he’d gotten through.

When he’d ended to voicemail-call he’d turned towards the four boys with a huge smile. “So,” he started. “What style are we going for? Personally, I’m a huge Westlife and Backstreet Boys fan. You know, choreographed dance moves and matching outfits.”

Louis was quick to put up his hand. “Hold on there, Blondie. I’m all up for us matching outfits – not wearing the same shirts, but at least looking a little choreographed _style-wise._ But I refuse and I’ll repeat myself until you all understand, I _refuse_ to dance and especially in a planned routine.”

“Yeah, no dancing for me either,” Zayn interjected while shaking his head from side to side nervously.

Niall looked slightly crestfallen, but it was quickly replaced by a yet another huge smile. “Okay. That’s totally fine as well. We’ll be super original then. We’ll like have our own stage presence, I could even whip out my old guitar.” He looked the boys up and down, before pointing at Louis’ shows. “Your shoes. I like your shoes. Lets all get shoes like Lewis.”

“It’s Louis,” the oldest one protested with a teasing frown. “But yeah, I do have impeccable style _Neil._ ” Niall playfully punched Louis’ shoulder, whom in return was quick to feign injury.

Zayn was watching the two mock each other with a charmed expression while Harry quietly giggled into his hand.

Liam nodded his head, “sure we should talk about style and everything. But we need to start planning.” He looked around the four other lads to make sure he had their utmost attention. “We need to get to know each other. Like more than just name and ages. If we’re to be a band then that is what we should focus on. I’m sure we’ll get a stylist anyway, so styling is not important right now.”

“So, should we get together someday and just jam?” Niall questioned.

Liam and Louis spoke at the same time; once they’d muttered their first words they both turned to each other. One with a mischievous look in his eyes while the other had a determined and serious one. Liam continued, “you heard Simon. We’ll have to work extra hard if we want this to work.”

“What are you suggesting?” Zayn asked.

Liam shrugged, pulling his shoulder slightly before crossing his arms over his chest. “I don’t know. My proposal is that we spend a couple of weeks, or at least a couple of days together. We’ve got a few weeks before we’re heading off towards Judges House. But we might have to wait and discuss this with our parents first since we all live in different places.”

“Sounds great,” Niall said.

The oldest of the bunch nodded, “yeah. But that excludes you Blondie. It’ll be cheaper if you were to fly to England compared to the four of us traveling to Ireland."

“I suppose so,” the Irish one said. He too crossed his arms over his chest, gripping tight unto his biceps 

Harry was standing just somewhat behind Louis. His shoulders were pulled up and his back hunched ever so slightly. He was nibbling at the bottom of his lips when a thought hit him. “We could,” he said in a hushed tone. He waited, but when no one seemed to have heard him he coughed and increased his voice a tad. “We could stay at my place.”

Louis turned around with his eyebrows raised, while Niall looked pleased as ever. “Your place?” Louis asked. When the curly haired youngster nodded Louis pursed his lips. “Where do you live again?”

“Cheshire.”

“Geographically it’s the best solution,” Liam nodded. “Ask your parents about it and we’ll do the same. They have to be in on this otherwise it’ll never work out.”

The four boys all nodded their heads. Louis broke into a huge grin as he looked around at the other boys. “This could be really great,” he said. “Statistically the odds are against us, I know, with us being a group and all. But I’ve heard you all sing at boot camp and you’re all amazing. But we’re going to be the first band ever to win X-Factor, I just know it.”

“We need to get thought to live shows first,” Liam spoke with a raised finger.

“And we still need a name,” Niall continued. “I personally think we should go with something like _Five Types_ or _IrishBrit_ or something.”

Zayn shook his head, as did both Liam and Louis. Harry was looking from one boy to another as the four older lads all threw about various suggestions as to what they should call themselves.

 

_Northern Bunker_

_Brain Mash Potato_

_Five Seconds to London_

After a few minutes of getting nowhere, Louis threw his hands up. “No no,” he said shaking his head. “Band name right now is not important.”

“What are you on about? The name is probably what’s _most_ important,” Liam growled. “Practise and a name is what we _should_ focus on _first_ before styling and playing around and what not.”

“Hey hey,” Niall cut in when Louis took a stand to fire back a comment about how it was Liam who’d suggested they’d get together in order to get to know one another. “No fighting. We’ve known each other for fifteen minutes and been a band for even less.”

Zayn followed suit. “Niall’s right. No fighting. Let’s just take it as it comes, yeah? We should all switch mobile numbers and what not and then we can ask our parents and Harry’ll ask his dad if we can bunk at your place, yeah?”

The younger boy quickly nodded, a string of curly hair falling out form beneath his beanie. “Y-yeah,” he whisper-spoke.

“Great,” Louis said, once again beaming. “It’ll be fantastic. Five lads just ‘ladding’ about.”

“Yeah,” Niall grinned. “We could camp out and sit by the fire. I’ll bring my guitar and we can jam like a real band.”

Zayn didn’t look all too happy at that statement and his hand quickly reached towards his hair. “I’m not down for the camping thing, yall. Can’t we just like sleep inside or something?”

“Where’s the fun in that, Zayn?” Niall innocently asked. His blue eyes were shimmering with confusion. “We can’t jam in front of the fire and then go sleep in real beds – it’s like we’re cheating then.”

Zayn pulled his shoulder, but remained silent.

“Let’s not worry what we’ll do then. We first have to have a green signal form our parents,” Liam interrupted. He looked up when he heard a car-horn hunk. “Oi, me mum is here to pick me up. Here,” he said reaching for Harry’s phone. “I’ll type in my number and you can give it to the rest, yeah?”

The younger male quickly nodded, waiting patiently for Liam to give him back his phone. Once the older lad had typed in the many digits of his number, they all quickly said their goodbyes and Liam was off towards the awaiting car.

“Finally,” Louis spoke once Liam was out of earshot. “What a party pooper, eh?” Though his words were harsh he still carried a huge smile. He looked around the three teenagers, “should we maybe get together tomorrow morning at ten? I saw this Starbucks a few blocks away from the hotel and my parents aren’t coming until after noon to pick me up.” 

“Sounds great,” Niall exclaimed, happy as always. His smile definitely reached his blue eyes, making them shine even brighter. He seemed to be ever happy; unless you count the moment were his name _wasn’t_ spoken during the final stage of boot camp.

Zayn nodded, “sure. Hey Harry – call your parents about our potential _indoor_ -camping, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harry spoke quietly. “I-I’ll call them as soon as I get home to the hotel.” The three boys smiled and before they individually left towards the hotel they all passed around their numbers with a promise of meeting up at the before mentioned coffee shop at ten AM _sharp._

 

\--

 

Zayn was late. Liam was fuming. He was frustrated and mad and he couldn’t get over thy fact that Zayn was _fucking_ late. He looked at his watch once again. Ten:twentytwo. ‘Fucking Zayn for being late’, he grumbled.

“Take it easy, mate,” Niall said from the corner. He was leaning his back against the wall and his right foot rested upon his left thigh. “Zayn probably just got lost. It’s his first time in a big city, as I am sure it is most of ours as well. I mean, I can only speak for my self, but London is enormous.”

“Yeah,” Harry piped up. He was sat huddled in between Niall and Louis and opposite Liam. “London’s quite.. big.”

Louis chuckled, padding Harry a little harder-than-intended on the back. “You’ve got quite a way with words, eh?” He reached forth and took a sip of his Yorkshire Tea, slurping ever so vaguely. “He’ll be here when he’ll be here. 

“If he’s not here within ten minutes he’s out of the band,” Liam said in all seriousness. He frowned again and found himself looking at his clock. “Ten:twentyfive. He’s got until five past thirty. If he’s not here by then, then he’s-“

“There he is,” Niall interrupted with a pointed finger at the opened door. “Hiya mate.”

Zayn took a seat next to Liam, throwing his bag on the floor. With a shaky hand he ran his fingers through his short hair, breathing harshly as if he’d been running. “Sorry I’m late, guys.”

“That’s it?” Liam inquired when Zayn showsed no sign of continuing or explaining. “ _Sorry I’m late!_ What the actual, Zayn. You could’ve texted us or something.”

Zayn pulled a face, “I’m sorry man. I overslept – my damn alarm didn’t go off.”

“Well, you should’ve texted us the _minute_ you found out you’re to be late. You’ve got to stop thinking about yourself, Zayn. You’re in a _band_ now, we’re all co-dependent on each other. The lads and I have talked about it and if you’re not a hundred percent committed to this then you’re out.”

“Hey hey,” Louis interjected with a scowling brow and an offended tone in his voice. “You made that commend. The rest of us didn’t actually agree to it.”

“I’m committed, yeah? I just- I value my beauty sleep, okay?” Zayn said in a hurry.

Liam was breathing heavily through his nose, but kept silent. He gave a curt nod at Zayn without making eye contact with the older boy as he intensely stared down at his own coffee.

It was Harry who spoke up this time. “My parents said okay.” He was fumbling with his cup of tea, the teabag still hanging over from the side of the cup. “If you all bring air mattresses or something we could still campout.”

“You didn’t ask them about a potential indoor campout?” Zayn wondered.

“Ehm,” Harry had totally forgotten about Zayn’s opposition when it came to camping. “No. Sorry.”

Louis placed his arm around the younger boy, pulling him closer. If he noticed how Harry’s muscles tensed at the contact he didn’t comment about it. Louis took a deep breath before he told the four lads sitting around the round coffee table to all relax. “We’re not off to a great start here, are we,” he mused. “Now, Harry. Did your mum and dad say when we were welcome or?”

Shaking his head Harry told them that his mum had said that whenever had been fine, as long as they all behaved somewhat well-mannered and independently. She was the mother of _one_ teenage son, not _five_ rowdy boys.

“Okay,” Liam said, bobbing his head up and down. “Well that’s great of them – tell your folks thanks when you speak to them next. How about this – we’ve got three weeks until we’re heading off towards Judges House. If we get together next Friday it’ll give us five days to pack our bags and do what we all feel like doing before heading off towards the campout. If we’re then at Harry’s for the following ten days we have about three days before Judges House.” 

Niall nodded, “yeah, that sounds great.”

“Harry, does that sound okay with you?” Liam questioned, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. “It’s your house and all.”

The green-eyed lad nodded his head, “yeah.”

“Fantastic,” Louis said. He reached out and took his Yorkshire Tea in his hands and stretched it out, “put them all in boys. Cheers!”

The three lads all copied the action, all except Zayn who had yet to buy himself a drink. “Cheers,” they echoed and all took a sip from their respective drink.

Liam turned to Zayn, his head somewhat bowed. “I’m sorry about before,” he stated, his voice soft and clearly sincere. “I just.. this means an awful lot to me. I mean, I’ve auditioned before and I made it all the way to Judges House before Simon.. before, yeah,” he stuttered.

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Zayn said with a shake of his head. He scratched his bicep as he continued. “We’re both in the wrong here, yeah? I should’ve called or texted or something. I’m sorry too.”

The other lads looked on as Liam and Zayn gave each other a quick hug and pulled apart with smiles on their faces.

“I cannot wait for this campout,” Niall gushed, his smile wide as ever showing off his slightly crooked teeth. Louis, Liam and Zayn all agreed yet the last boy of the band remained silent. He couldn’t help but feel a slight dread over the following weeks to come.


	2. Chapter 2

_… One Direction?_

A single text consisting of a possible band name and followed by a question mark was all it took for the remaining four lads to agree that yes, ’One Direction’ was going to be their band name.

 

\--

 

Standing in the middle of the room was the oldest child of the household, if he could even be considered a _child_ at his age. His bright blue eyes were darting back and forth over the clothes currently spread across the tiny bedroom. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, before closing in on his wardrobe with a determined look. He lifted shirt after shirt, pulled out trouser after trouser, but couldn’t find the shirt he was looking for.

“Muuuum,” he yelled, his pitch slightly higher than the typical male’s. He picked up a few of the shirts he’d lifted just moments before and tossed them carelessly on the floor – throwing them out of the way. Finally, huddled and crumbled in the furthest corner of his wardrobe, he finally found the t-shirt he’d been searching for the last twenty minutes. “Yes,” he whispered under his breath and tiptoed in order to reach it. He had to stretch as far as he could reach and only with his fingertips was he able to finally grasp the shirt.

Unfolding the shirt, he shook it a few times to flatten the wrinkles. He widened his nostrils slightly and took a sniff, immediately gagging at the horrid smell erupting from the garment. “Fucking hell,” he muttered, the smell once again taking over his senses and he stuck out his tongue in disgust. With a heavy heart he threw the shirt over his shoulder, where it landed in a bunk with other discarded items.

Behind his closed door he could make out footsteps coming closer in a hurried pace. A beautiful woman with long dark hair and a pair of wide eyes, blue like her son’s, made her way from the living room to aid her oldest kid. Out of respect she knocked on his door, three times.

“Yeah.”

The mother had to use a little extra force opening the door as castoff clothes blocked it. She drew in a heavy breath as she took in the state of the room: all over were clothes, plates and dirty cutlery as well as several cans of drunk-up sodas. Underneath his bed she could make out a week-old pizza box. “Louis,” sighed the tired mother.

“Mum, I cannot find any _clean_ clothes. Can we wash these,” he said pointing to a pile of clothes to his right.

Joy creased her eyebrows, her eyes still roaming the room. “Louis,” she repeated, her voice tired as ever.

“How long does a wash take? Like, five minutes?”

“At least forty,” the mother answered. “We have to leave in less than an hour – you wont have time to dry them before then.” She bend down in front of a shirt (the same shirt Louis had spend endless minutes searching for), lifting it to her nose much like her son had done mere minutes before and smelled it. “Bloody hell,” she choked, dropping the clothe on the floor. “Louis,” she said sternly, “when was the last time you washed your clothes?”

Louis looked over his shoulder, head slightly tilted. “By myself?”

“By yours-, are you joking? Bloody hell, child - I cannot for the love of God remember when I washed _your_ clothes. _Louis._ ”

“I know I know,” Louis said in a hurry, lifting his arms in surrender mode. “Just, help me out, yeah?”

Joy stepped further into the boy’s bedroom, looking into his dishevelled wardrobe. “How much have you packed so far?”

“Three pairs of pants,” Louis started, flinching under the deathly stare he was send by his mother at the low count of pants he’d packed. “What?”

“Three pairs, Louis?” Joy shook her head and pulled out Louis’ pants-drawer, grabbing as many as she could with her hands. “You’re to stay there for ten days, which means you’ll pack at _least_ ten pairs.” Louis looked on as his mother neatly folded the undergarments. One by one she packed the pants into his duffel bag, muttering curse words under her breath as she took in what exactly her son had packed for his weeklong stay at the Styles’. “Go into the laundry room,” Joy said, still crouching down in front of the duffel bag. “I washed a pair of your father’s tees. I’m sure he won’t mind if you use them for a few days.”

Louis walked swiftly from his bedroom to the laundry room across the hall, picking up the four shirts his mother had told him. He handed them to Joy, receiving a third death glare that _morning_ from the _un_ folded shirts he handed her. She took them none-the-less, and quickly like only a mother could, she folded them and packed them neatly into the bag. Louis stood off to the side, rubbing his finger against his bottom lip.

Finally, he spoke. “Mum.”

“Louis.” Joy didn’t look up, continuing the task she was doing, but the anxiety in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by the young mother.

“Do you think I should tell them?”

This, however, made Joy pause her actions: she knew what her son was asking her about. They’d talked about the same very topic only a few nights ago and though she’d thought they’d reached a conclusion, the question asked made it clear that _that_ wasn’t so. “It’s up to you,” she ended up saying

“I know you said that, but what if.. What if I’m open about it and it has an effect on the band’s chances in the competition? What if-“

Joy cut him off. “Louis, whatever you do I am sure that _this_ won’t have an effect on the band’s popularity.”

“Of course it will,” the nineteen year-old exclaimed, his arms whopping around in the air. “Mum, people get fired for these kind of reasons.”

“In uneducated countries, Louis.”

“No mum. In America as well, pretty sure I heard something about it happening in London too.”

“People who fire other people with this as their only reason are uneducated. We live in 2010 – such things should not happen, least of all in Britain.” Joy turned around, facing her distraught child. “Louis, people have been open about this on the show before. You _won’t_ be the first on X-Factor.”

“But what if the guys won’t like me anymore? What if when they find out, they’ll have a group meeting to discuss my further involvement in the band? What if they think I’m.. _wrong_ and disgusting?”

“Louis,” Joy said. She stood up and reached out both arms, placing them upon her worried child’s shoulders. Squeezing them in a comforting manner, she continued. “Louis. There’s _nothing_ wrong with being gay.” He squeezed Louis’ shoulder a little harder. “Okay?” Making sure he nodded his head in agreement, Joy continued. “Now, about you being disgusting.” She gestured towards the room, “I’m pretty sure _revolting_ will be the word they’ll use about you. But they’ll use it about your inability to keep a room clean and _not_ about your sexuality.

The two Tomlinsons chuckled at Joy’s last comment, both sniffling a little bit. Louis leaned into the hug his mother pulled him into. “Thanks,” he murmured, keeping his tears in track.

“Always.” She rubbed his back. When they separated, they smiled at each other. “Just be honest with them from the start, yeah?” Louis nodded, but he wasn’t sure it would be that easy.

 

\--

 

A young curly haired lad sat with hid leg pulled up to his chest in a big armchair, anxiously nibbling at his bottom lip. He’d been sitting in the green furniture for the last twenty minutes, completely still and with his attention turned towards the not-so-busy road.

“You know,” he heard his mother’s voice from somewhere behind him, although Harry kept his eyes on the road. “They aren’t going to be here for at least another forty minutes. Come, eat some lunch.”

Harry shook his head. “Not hungry,” he mumbled, his eyes never swerving.

“Harry,” Alice said, but she decided to not continue with her intended sentence. Instead, she sighed and nodded her head although Harry couldn’t see it, and left the living room. As she entered the kitchen, Owen looked up from his plate with a questioning look in his eyes. “He’s nervous.”

“Ah,” Owen hummed, his big belly vibrating as he did so. He lifted his fork and knife, cutting down into his piece of chicken. “It’s only understandable,” the stepfather noted, stuffing his mouth with the cut-up chicken.

Alice took a seat, frustrated as she did so. She ran her fingers through her black hair, pulling a little as they tangled in a hair-knot. “I just wish I could do something.”

“You are, my love,” Owen spoke around the piece of chicken in his mouth. He swallowed, the chewed up food visible showing as it passed through his throat. “And he’s improving. I mean, this is the first outside-family interaction we’ve seen in _years_ , Alice.”

Furrowing her eyes, Alice groaned softly. She took a chicken filet from the oven dish and placed it upon her plate, followed by a few spoons of rice and sauce. “I just want him to be happy,” she said as she gathered her food.

“He will be,” Owen said. “He _is_. Him being nervous is not the same as him being unhappy. I actually think he’s looking forward to the boys staying over for a few days.”

“What if something happens, Owe? What if he has a nightmare, or a panic attack-“

“Then we’ll deal with it. I know we said we’d let Harry tell them in his own time, _but_ if something like _that_ happens then we’ll handle it.”

Alice licked her lips. “You’re right,” she said.

“Of course I am,” chuckled her relatively larger lover with a gentle smile upon his lips. “I always am. Now, let’s end this discussion – we cannot dwell over what might happen before it’s happened. What’ll happen _will_ happen and there’s nothing we can do about it. All we can do is guide Harry through this.”

“You know I love you right?” Owen’s answer was a kiss on her cheek and a soft ‘mm’. “Where’s Erin at?”

Owen reached for his napkin placed beneath his glass and wiped off a bit of food stuck in his moustache. “Manchester. She went to pick that, ehm.. Nigel kid up from the airport.”

“Niall,” Alice corrected her boyfriend. Harry had talked quite a lot about the four lads who would be joining them the next ten weeks and he’d been _very_ adamant about the pronunciation of their names, explaining that it was _Niall_ not Nail, _Louis_ not Lewis, _Liam_ not Leem and _Zayn_ not Zen. Alice checked the time on her left wrist. “Yeah, he must’ve landed a few minutes ago.

The mother looked over her shoulder, her eyes lingering on the door leading into the living room. She startled a bit when she felt a hand cover her own and a thumb running up and down her soft skin. “He’ll be alright.”

“I know,” Alice sighed. Harry was a _strong_ boy. He’d be alright. Eventually.

 

\--

 

Sat upon outdoor pillows were five boys, very different from one another. One was nervous about telling the boys his deepest secret, one was nervous about his first camping experience. One was nervous about all thing band-related and one anxious about whether or not there’d be enough food. The last boy, the youngest of the group, was nervous on a whole different level. He could feel his heartbeat pick up every time one of the boys’ voices rose just a bit over their normal tone or whenever they moved too quickly or too aggressively.

They had been sat on the cushions for the last two hours, chatting away about everything. Niall –true to his word- had brought is guitar and every now and then he’d strum it and play a chord from a famous song.

Louis was sat in between Niall and Zayn and across from Liam. Harry, the quiet curly-haired lad, sat a little behind Louis. Of course Louis had reacted to the action with a frown –why didn’t the kid want to sit with the rest of them, but he’d said nothing about it. Harry seemed to be a very shy kid and he knew that once Harry was ready he’d open up more. Or at least he hoped that would be the case.

“Okay,” Louis said, throwing his hands down. It was now or never! “I think we should all just open up.”

“Open up?” Liam asked, frowning a bit. He looked like a puppy. Like a _kicked_ puppy. All the time.

The oldest of the group nodded. “Yeah – the one Direction boys will have _no_ secrets between them. Secrets in bands lead to fighting and fighting leads to horrible horrible break ups and I don’t want that to happen.”

Zayn joined in. “So, we should all tell each other all of our secrets?” He, along with Liam, looked slightly sceptical while Niall looked intrigued. When did this kid _not_ look happy?

“No no,” Louis shook his head from side to side, his small _bob_ swinging with his every move. “Not all of our secrets. Just like, maybe one or two. Things we deem the rest of the band ought to know about us anyway.

Harry drew in a breath – they _knew_ , he thought to himself. His eyes widened at the realization. How could they know, though? That was confidential business! He licked his plumb lips before biting down on them just a second later. No no no no no, he repeated in his mind. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t d-

“I’ll start,” Louis continued. “There’s a reason why I wanted to do this and it’s because _I_ have a secret.”

And oh. _Oh._ Harry paused his internal rambling and looked up at the boy sitting just in front of him.

Louis’ chest perched outwards as he chunked in a huge amount of air. “I like.. boys.”

The second the words left his mouth he was met with total and utter silence. The black haired kid next to him kept flicking his eyelashes while Niall just stared at the oldest boy with his mouth agape and his crooked teeth clearly visible. Liam was the first to speak. “Okay?” he said, his voice uncertain. How was he supposed to react to that?

Zayn followed him close after with a question of his own. “So, you’re like gay?”

“Yup,” Louis answered with confidence in his voice. What a lie. He was shaking, his palms clammy from sweating.

“You’re not into girls the slightest then?” Niall asked.

Shaking his head no, Louis explained that he was into boys and only boys. “Like, I had a girlfriend just a few months back –Hannah was her name, but it never felt right. And I tried really hard to make it work, thinking that maybe I was doing it all wrong but in the end I couldn’t lie to myself. It took me a while to figure it out, that I was gay that is, but I think some part of me always knew.” He kept glancing around the other lads, trying to catch their reaction. But the four boys (although he couldn’t exactly see Harry’s reaction) didn’t look too puzzled. This was confirmed when Niall merely shrugged and muttered and ‘okay, my turn’. Louis breathed out a sigh of relief; relaxing his shoulders and finally letting himself slouch a bit.

Thinking hard, Niall tried to think of something worth sharing. Of course, he had his fair share of secrets, he was a teenage boy after all. But Louis had shared something personal about himself and the least Niall could do was to share something back. “Okay,” he said, his dialect thick and clear. “So like – I have this thing where I don’t like tiny spaces.” Every ‘th’ sounded more like a ‘t’ and thus ‘this’ and ‘thing’ came out as ‘tis’ and ‘ting’.

From behind him he could hear Harry mutter ‘claustrophobia’ and Niall was quick to send him a soft smile.

“Yeah, claustrophobia. I know it’s not something ground-breaking like yours, Louis, but I.. It’s not something I go around bragging ‘bout.”

Louis have him an encouraging smile, padding him on the back. “Thanks for sharing mate. You could’ve seriously told us that your first love was a rock named Doris and I’d still thank you for sharing your secret with us.

Zayn followed Niall with a secret of his own – ‘I’m a virgin still’, he’d admitted with a pink blush and Liam had confessed that he’d been bullied all his life and that he probably came across as quite bossy sometimes because he wanted this to be perfect.

When the turn finally came for Harry to share he was full on panicking. He couldn’t tell them _his_ own secret – they would surely hate him. Think of him as a disgusting little whore would surely deserved everything that happened. He could feel their penetrating eyes, piercing their way through his mind and he was sure that they were reading his thoughts at that very moment. Maybe they already know, he thought to himself.

_Don’t be stupid, Harry. You’re too paranoid sometimes._

Fumbling his plumb lower lips between his large teeth, he looked up and met the gaze of Louis. “Uuh,” he started, but was cut off by his mother’s voice.

“Dinner’s ready boys.”

He’d never been more thankful.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis blinked his eyes a couple of times, furrowing his brows softly. Scrunching up his nose, he wondered what had woken him up. He lay still for a few seconds, listening for a potential sound after having excluded the possibility that it could’ve been his bladder that had induced his awareness.

Then he heard it: a soft whine coming from his right. He turned around, his eyes adjusting to the dark of the night. He could barely make out the frame that was Harry Styles, but his outline was visible none-the-less. His _shaking_ outline. “Hey hey,” he said, when Harry made a sobbing noise and threw his hand to the side hitting the tent-wall. He gently shook Harry’s shoulder, murmuring soft Harrys.

The younger lad didn’t wake though, instead his moaning intensified. “Nnn,” he mumbled, thrashing his head from side to side. “Nnngh!”

Louis sat up in his sleeping bag, more awake now. “Harry, come on,” he whispered harshly while pushing at Harry’s shoulder. “Wake up.”

With a startle Harry let out a high-pitched scream and sat up. He gulped down a chunk of saliva and looked around. His breathing was intensified and his heart was pumping hard against his chest. “ _M-mummy_.” His normally low voice sounded childlike, weak and vulnerable.

“Mum,” Louis said. “You want Alice, yeah? Your mum?” Harry didn’t answer. Louis couldn’t see it, but the green eyes of the younger lad slowly started to grow cloudy.

Louis quickly unzipped the tent-door and crawled halfway out before turning back towards Harry. With slightly shivering hands (he was panicked himself) he reached out in order to help the ruffled teen out of his own sleeping bag. He placed both hands underneath Harry’s armpits, pulling him up to stand. That’s when he noticed the large spot in front of Harry’s pyjama sweats.

_Harry had wet the bed._

Heaving in a breath, Louis decided to ignore this for a few seconds. Harry didn’t seem to have noticed this yet and Louis was not too keen on embarrassing Harry at the moment. No, what he needed right now was to follow through with Harry’s plea and help him find his mother. Alice would know what to do.

The youngest member of One Direction stood still, although his entire frame was shaking as an aftermath after his nightmare. He said nothing, but his mouth kept opening and closing, and to be honest it scared Louis to death. Sure, he had younger sisters – all of whom had experienced the unpleasant thing that was nightmares, but this was something beyond _nightmare_. Night terror, was what Louis would call this. Harry was _terrified._

Louis took a hold on Harry’s hand and guided him towards the house, closing the backyard-door softly behind the two lads. “Where’s the master bedroom?” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear. He received no answer though and when he looked over towards Harry his eyes was staring into the beyond, not focusing on anything. “Okay then.”

Louis tightened his hold on Harry’s hand and started pulling him in the direction towards the stairs. Walking up the stairs proved to be harder than Louis had first expected, but taking the carpeted steps one at a time proved to be the best option.

“Alrighty then,” Louis said once they stood outside the bedroom door. He turned to Harry, who swayed softly back and forth, his lips trembling and his face ghostly pale and sweaty. “Do- do you want to head right in or?” Louis really should not be as surprised as he was when he once again received no answer. With a firm knock he let the two sleeping parents know that he was there. “Anne?” he said out loud. He waited, before knocking three more times. “Alice? Owen?”

He heard a faint male voice replying with a “yeah,” before he softly opened the door. Both Alice and her husband were sat up in their bed, Owen having turned on the nightlight on his bedside table.

“Louis?” Alice questioned, “what’s wrong dear?”

“Ehm,” Louis stuttered, pulling Harry into the master bedroom. “Harry was having a nightmare.”

The black-haired mother closed her eyes and sighed. She pulled the covers off of her and moved with quick steps towards the two teenagers. “Thank you for helping him,” he said, squatting down in front of her still-out-of-it son, who immediately turned his head towards his mother.

“No problem,” Louis responded and stepped away from the two. “Do you.. do you need me to get anything?”

Anne shook her head. “No, we can take it from here. But thank you.”

“Sure thing,” Louis said and hurriedly left the bedroom and nearly ran out of the house. Crawling back into the tent a vile odour hit his nose. He looked over towards Harry’s left behind sleeping bag and pulled it out, throwing the bag over two chairs so it could dry during the night. He then proceeded to sneak back into the tent and fell asleep almost instantly.

 

\--

 

The next morning Louis could finally wake up on his own account. Stretching his arms high above his head, he extended his body and moaned in pleasure as his limbs fell into place. Smacking his lips together a few times, he rubbed his eyes dry from sleep and headed out from inside the tent. He nodded his head towards Niall and Liam, both already in their swim attire and sunbathing in the sun chairs by the pool.

“Harry’s still asleep?” Liam asked, nodding his head towards smaller tent.

Louis looked behind him, although he knew what he’d see – an empty space beside his own sleeping bag. He looked back towards the two boys and shook his head. “No. He had some kind of nightmare last night. I brought him to his parents and he didn’t come back down.”

“Ouch,” Niall mumbled while Liam added to the conversation with an “I wondered why his sleeping bag was hanging over there.” He pointed towards the blue bag.

Louis kept quiet as to the reason why he had to hang the younger lad’s sleeping bag up to dry. He was sure Harry wouldn’t want the other boys to know. Trying to change the subject, he walked over towards the boys and took a seat by the edge of the pool. “Zayn still asleep, eh?”

“Of course,” muttered Niall with a grunt. “Boy could probably sleep for weeks.”

Louis hummed, turning his head towards the sun. He enjoyed the slight burn the sunrays placed upon his faintly tanned skin. “Maybe we should just chill out today, yeah?” Louis asked. He thought back to the event of the night and shuddered – he wondered what could’ve brought Harry into the state Louis found him in during the night.

“Chill?” Liam sat up straight and pushed his sunglasses from the bridge of his nose to the top of his head. “Like, only for a short while, right?”

“No, I mean chill for the day. Take a day to just get to know each other.”

“Louis,” Liam interrupted. He sounded frustrated. “We did that _yesterday_. Today’s back to business.”

Niall sat up as well, opting to take off his sunglasses completely. “Hey hey,” he cut in. “No fighting, remember? I’m with Louis on this one, though.” He sent Liam an apologetic face.

The brown-eyed lad threw his hands up in surrender, “sure. Fine,” he stated, although everything about him spoke the exact opposite. “Don’t come crying to me when we’re not getting through to the live shows then.”

“Relax, mate,” said the Irish lad, laying back down against the sun chair. “We’ll chill, we’ll harmonize. Let’s just take it one day at a time, yeah? We’ve still got like two weeks until we leave for Spain.”

Liam frowned. “ _Twelve_ days to pick a song that goes great with _all_ of our voices _and_ practice it to perfection before we sing it in front of our given judge.” Liam stood up and crossed his arms across his bare chest. “I’ve done this before. You guys haven’t.”

“Liam,” Louis said, also standing up. “Just relax, eh? Let’s wait for Harry and Zayn to wake up before we decide what to do, ‘lright?.” When both boys nodded he continued, “what time is it?”

Liam reached down towards the ground, where he’d placed his mobile in the shadow. “Ten:eighteen.”

“Alice and Owen should both be up then,” Louis said. “I’m heading inside to see if they need help with breakfast or something. Wake up Zayn, yeah?” he said.

“’k,” Liam said and moved towards the tent while Niall also got up, but headed towards the house alongside Louis, claiming that he’d been hungry for the last _hour._ They were greeted inside by not only Alice and Owen but Harry as well. The curly haired lad was sitting on top of the kitchen counter, his legs dangling.

ALice turned around, in the midst of frying bacon. “Morning lads,” he greeted and turned around to busy herself with the cooking.

Owen moved around the counter and handed the boys a couple of plates and glasses. “Would you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all,” Louis answered. They set the table (for seven people, since Erin was staying over at a friend’s house for the reminder of the week). Liam and a sleepy-looking Zayn soon joined them with hair going in one direction after having been shaped by his pillow. “Morning, grumpy.”

Zayn sent Louis one of his meanest looks and took a seat. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, scratching the top of his head. Liam, having entered the kitchen with a shirt covering his chest, threw a blouse towards Niall, telling him to get dressed. Louis took a seat next to Zayn and Harry joined him to his left. At the ends of the table sat the adults, while Liam sat down opposite of Harry whit Niall to his left.

“Dig in boys,” Alice said and reached for the juice. Chatter filled the room as everyone started shovelling scrambled eggs, bacon, fried potatoes and what not onto their plates.

Louis was happily munching on a crispy piece of bacon when he felt a small tug on his sleeve. He turned his head towards Harry, who was looking at him with his head tilted towards the ground. “You alright Harry?”

The younger lad looked up through his curls, mumbling a soft “thank you for last night,” loud enough for Louis to hear, but soft enough that the other boys couldn’t.

“No problem, mate,” Louis said with a soft smile. Next to Harry sat Alice, also with a soft smile upon her lips. She was touched by this encounter and convinced that with these boys, Harry was sure to make it through this adventure.  

 

\--

 

Harry’s night terrors were apparently an occurring thing. Each night Louis would be woken up by soft whimpers or violent thrashings and each night he’d help out the crying boy, lead him towards the master bedroom and crawl back into his tent alone. Harry never joined him afterwards nor had he wetted himself since that first night, to which Louis was grateful for. And although there was a definite progress when it came to Harry interacting with the other boys, the youngest lad still remained painfully shy, speaking only when spoken to and never in long sentences.

It was their last night together, before they all headed home to say goodbye to their respective families. The five lads were seated much like they’d sat on their first night: on sun chair cushions, each lad wrapped up in a blanket in front of the fire. Niall had found a stick halfway through the second day and had used it ever since to roast marshmallows over the nightly campfires.

“You know,” the blond lad said, white leftover-marshmallow stuck on the corner of his mouth. “No matter what happens you four will forever be my brothers. I already had one, but now I’ve got four more.”

Zayn agreed with a soft hum. “Like I’ve always wished for brothers, having three sisters of my own-"

“Oi, speak for yourself,” Louis interrupted, holding up four fingers representing his own _four_ sisters.

The other boys chuckled, letting Zayn continue. “What I mean is, like Niall said – no matter what happens in Spain, we’ll keep in touch yeah?”

“Of course. You all have to come till Ireland – I have to show you guys around my beautiful home country!”

“You know,” Louis said looking around the circle of teenage boys with a loving grin. “I was so nervous before coming here – not just because I was to spend ten days with _strangers_ but because I was so afraid you wouldn’t accept me. Instead you proved me wrong – we’re five _completely_ different lads, and I mean completely different. We listen to different music, we dress differently, have different secrets and yet we all fit together somehow. I think this is what’s going to bring us through to the live shows.”

“Not the fact that we all have incredible talent,” Niall commented sarcastically, earning himself a slap at the back of his head from Louis.

“Of course we’ve all got talent,” Liam interjected.

“Speaking of secrets. I think we should end this night the same way we started our first night together,” Louis said. “All sharing something the others should know about them. Sharing a secret.”

Zayn once again looked sceptical. “I don’t know,” he started, his face showing clear signs of hesitation. Harry didn’t look too keen either.

“It’ll be fine,” Niall said, always the optimistic one. “These secrets stay within the band, yeah? Like, we won’t tell _anyone_ unless the person who shared his secret says otherwise.”

Three of the lads nodded their heads –‘yeah’, while Harry still remained uncertain. He’d narrowly escaped sharing his secret the last time and he knew for certain that both his mother and Robin had gone to bed early tonight.

“I’ll start then,” Niall said with a grin. Much like last time he scrunched up his face, trying to think of a good secret to share. When he remembered one, his wrinkles flattened out. Running his tongue across his crooked front teeth, he finally revealed that he suffered from dyslexia as well. “Them words and letters are just so tough, you know? All over the place and messy. Had to be held back a grade because I couldn’t keep up with my peers.”

Louis was next. “My father left me and my mum a week after I was born. I have a new dad now – Matt’s amazing, but he’s not my _biological_ father. I was named after him, my last name being Austin. Matt adopted me when I was six and I’ve been a Tomlinson ever since.”

“Do you ever speak with your biological father?” Zayn questioned.

Louis shook his head. “No. He used to call me every birthday until my sixth and since then.. I’m lucky if I get a post card.” The older lad could feel a soft hand rest upon his shoulder and he was shocked to find that it was Harry’s hand that was seeking out to give him comfort. “Thanks,” he whispered when he made eye contact with Harry and the emerald-eyed boy gave him an encouraging smile.

“Remember I told you that I was bullied the last time we played this game,” Liam started his secret-telling story before delving into the description that was the tragic event of his sixteenth birthday. “Like, we’d hired this place and mum had baked two _huge_ birthday cakes and then.. no one showed up.” The last words were almost whispered and Liam found himself rubbing his runny nose. “The next school day I had to look at every kid I had invited, knowing that _they_ knew that no one had showed up.”

“We’ll make your seventeenth birthday the best birthday ever,” Niall spoke and they all raised their cups filled with hot chocolate and marshmallows and cheered them together in the middle over the fire.

Zayn took it upon himself to tell the boys his secret next. “I had a friend when I was younger. His name was Jack – he’s my best friend. When we were ten, he got diagnosed with leukaemia and shortly thereafter he passed away.”

A collective round of gasps could be heard from band, each lad with a different look upon their face: Liam looked sympathetic, Niall looked heartbroken while Louis looked shocked and Harry looked scared, tears in his eyes and slightly trembling.

“The secret is not that Jack died, but the fact that _after_ he passed away I kept seeing him. At school, the playground, the park. After a while I would walk up to Jack, _ghost Jack_ or whatever, and talk to him and he’d answer. I, ehm,” he stuttered, looking around with flickering eyes. “Sometimes, I still do. Talk to him, that is. I still see him and I still.. yeah.”

Niall was the first to break the silence. “Is Jack here right now?”

Zayn chuckled, two fat drops of salty liquid falling from his eyes. “Nah,” he shook his head, wiping away the tears with the back of his hand. “He only comes to me when I’m in need of him, you know?”

Niall nodded.

“Do you see him as he was or does he grow up like you do?” Liam, Louis, Niall and Zayn all looked up at the boy who’d spoken the words, slight stunned that Harry had actually asked a question.

“Ehm. No, he stays the same. Jack will forever be ten years old.”

“Oh,” Harry whispered, looking down. He could still feel the stares from the other boys bore into his skin. Taking a deep breath, he knew they were waiting for him to share his own secret. He didn’t know if he should share _the_ secret or if he should pick another one. He knew that they’d want to know _the_ secret – they’d find out eventually (hopefully eventually would be replaced with a never). His breathing quickened and he looked up. “Uhm,” he muttered. In his lab he kept fumbling his thumb over his wrist, rubbing hard and long. It was eventually painful and it left a red mark, but Harry didn’t mind. He actually found a small pleasure in the pain.

Louis gave him an encouraging smile, uttering a reassuring “it’s alright, just take your time.”

He should tell them _the_ secret. “My dad’s in jail.”

And okay. That was a secret. Not a local secret, but a secret none-the-less. Just not _the_ secret. Harry waited a few seconds, blinking rapidly before he looked up. No one said anything for a while, before Niall finally broke the silence.

“What’d he do?”

Harry shook his head, gulping down saliva. He was thankful when Louis cut in, telling the boys that it was none of their business. “Harry shared a secret – he doesn’t have to elaborate it.” Turning towards Harry Louis said “thank you for sharing that with us Haz.”

“Haz?” Harry whispered confused, although with a slightly amused tone.

“Yeah. I like it and you look it and so you are it. A Haz I mean. Or a Hazza.”

“I’ve never.. I’ve never had a nickname before,” he whispered. He winched slightly. Harry had had a nickname before. Just not a nickname he liked.

 

_Slut_

_Whore_

_PrettyboyFaggotBabyDaddy’slittleangel_

_Beautiful_

“Now you have one,” Zayn said. Harry looked up at the other boys, all of whom had huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Liam nodded, “yeah. Now,” he coughed, a clump of _something_ stuck in his throat and it was _not_ because he was about to get emotional. Really, it wasn’t. “Let’s run the song from the top, alright. This needs to be perfect. And one and two and one, two, three…”


	4. Chapter 4

Once again an assistant with a headset and a clipboard of papers in his hand were directing the group of boys and girls down a long hallway. He was pointing out various rooms “this is the bathroom,” or “here’s the TV-room,” to which the huge group of people would nod their heads and go “ah.”

The house, or castle – as Louis insisted that it was, was huge. They’d been shown at least four different bathrooms and two kitchens, which Niall had shown his appreciation about.

“You never know,” he said with a shrug, “we’re a lot of people. If they’re going to serve us all food this week we’re here, two kitchens might not even be enough.” Liam had told him with a pointed finger that normal restaurants only had one kitchen and they managed to serve every costumer just fine.

“This here,” the assistant said. Jake, as his name was, opened a door and motioned for the five lads to step forward, “this will be your room for the stay.” The One Direction boys were the last group to be directed a room and so they’d heard the rules a couple of times already. That didn’t stop Jake from repeating them however. “As I’ve said to the previous groups as well, there’ll be no eating, drinking, smoking or any form of intercourse while staying at the manor. Breakfast is at eight am with information shared during the hour you have to eat. Lunch is at eleven; both breakie and lunch will take part in the main hall by the downstairs kitchen. Dinner is at seven in the dining hall. You’re allowed to roam free in the house, the beach or in the city but meet up at all appointments and have the lights out by ten:thirty pm. These rules are not to be questioned or broken, and in doing so you might be send home without a warning. Any questions?”

Niall raised his hand immediately. When Jake nodded at him, indicating him to speak, he asked: “what about in-between-snacks? Are we allowed to roam the kitchens as well?”

“No. A tray of fruit will be provided at all hours, as will water bottles to avoid dehydration, but anything extending this you’ll have to provide for yourselves.”

Niall looked glum. Louis looked confused and Zayn looked somewhat bored. “I have another question,” Liam said and without further notion he continued. The young boy went on to question the safety around the area –what if somebody was drowning, what’s the emergency number here in Spain, where’s the nearest police and fire station? Louis rolled his eyes, muttering ‘fucking party pooper’. The assistant answered all the questions without blinking.

“Al right,” Louis said as soon as Jake had left the boys to themselves. “I am definitely sleeping in the single bed.” He hurried into the room and jumped on the only twin sized bed in the room they’d been given.

Niall groaned, muttering, “not fair,” but moved his bag into the room and sat down on the bed closest to the door. “Why were we not given bigger rooms? I mean, this house has _two_ kitchens but not enough bedrooms to cover the groups?”

“Just be glad we get two queens at all,” Liam stated and claimed the spot next to Niall, leaving Zayn to bunk with Harry. “We should-“

“No,” Louis interrupted, still sitting on the bed. “We should do nothing at all. Today, we’re just going relax and have fun. Explore the adventure land they call mansion, maybe sit down to eat some food, get a tan – I don’t know. But today we should definitely just enjoy our time here.”

Zayn nodded his head. “Yeah, I’m definitely with Louis on this one. You worked us pretty hard at Harry’s.”

Liam pouted, crossing his arms across his chest. “I didn’t work us hard enough.”

“You really did,” Niall said with a grin. “By the end of the third night you had young Harry in tears.” The boys all laughed, all except for Harry who mere shrugged and smiled.

“It wasn’t that bad,” the youngest whispered, before taking a seat on the bed he was to share with Zayn. He looked over at the older boy with an uncomfortable expression. Licking his lips, he focused his attention towards the oldest of the group. He really needed to talk to him.

Niall clapped his hands together and got up from the bed, doing so with a slight jump. “I wanna go see the ocean. We should all like go swimming!”

“Sounds ace,” Louis agreed. The five lads all opened their suitcases, finding their bathing trunks, sunscreen and what not. Harry opted to cover his upper torso in a thin white t-shirt, receiving a fond look from Liam who muttered something about ‘sun safety should always come first’, but a concerned glance from Louis. “You gonna go swimming in a shirt, Haz?”

Harry shrugged, covering his clothes torso with his arms. “I burn easily.”

Louis looked over at Zayn, who merely shrugged in response. “Some people do,” the black-haired boy said and patted Harry softly on the back as he walked past him. All four boys had learned and gotten used to Harry’s quirky nature and no longer questioned it… too often.

Zayn started walking towards the door, followed by Liam, Niall and Louis – the last boy stopped by a hand grabbing his arm and pulling him back, however. “Harry?” he questioned. The younger boy looked over towards the other three boys, who all stood in the doorway waiting for them. “It’s okay,” Louis said, waving the other boys away. He could sense the tenseness in Harry. “We’ll be along soon.”

“Okay,” Liam said, tentatively before he closed the door and left the oldest and the youngest of the bunch to themselves.

“All right, Curly,” Louis said softly. “What’s wrong?”

Harry bit his lip, looking slightly distressed. With small flickers of the eyes, he finally looked up and made eye contact with Louis. “Could you.. would you mind switching beds with me?” he finally whispered. A certain tone of nervousness washed over him as he spoke the words. Of course Louis wouldn’t want to switch – and why should he?

“Ehm,” Louis said, just about to decline the offer when a thought hit him. “Your night terrors,” he whispered and Harry could only nod at the statement. “Of course, Haz. Fuck, I’m sorry – I should’ve realized.”

Harry shook his head, “no no,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. It’s just – I know you know what happened that first night when I.. you know.” A soft redness covered Harry’s cheeks and neck, clearly showing Louis just how embarrassed Harry was.

The older boy reached out and placed a calming hand on Harry’s shoulders. “Hey. It’s all right. Really – no trouble. Here, let me just move my things over and we’ll head to the beach, yeah?”

Harry gave Louis a thankful smile, mumbling a soft “yeah,” before following the older lad out the door. Hopefully, today would be a good day.

 

\--

 

No one questioned the rearrangement of the designated beds.

 

\--

 

Louis was in-between sleep and awareness. That place, where you’re not really sure if you’re still sleeping or if you’re actually awake. He wasn’t completely sure what had woken him up to begin with and it took him exactly three seconds to figure out the possible reason.

With a gasp he opened his eyes and sat up, looking around the darkened room until his eyes fell towards the whimpering boy on the other side of the room. He swiftly shed himself of his covers and jumped to his feet. In no time he reached the side of Harry’s bed and crouched down, gently shaking Harry awake.

“Haz,” he whispered, shakin the boy’s shoulder. “Harry. Haz. Hazza, come on. You’ve got to wake up, buddy.” Much like Louis had done mere seconds ago, Harry opened his eyes with a startle and let out a muffled scream. “Hey hey hey,” Louis whispered, standing up slightly only to sit down on the edge of the bed. He reached out and pulled the crying teen towards his chest, rocking him back and forth much like Louis’ own mum would do whenever he had had a nightmare as a kid. “You’re all right,” he whispered into Harry’s ear. “You’re all right.”

They sat like that for several minutes; Louis with his arms wrapped around the trembling boy, whispering sweet and soothing words into his ear. Much like the previous times, Harry’s mind seemed to not be in the right place – his eyes were glossy and his mouth quivering, mumbling incomprehensible words and making small gasping sounds every now and then. And much like those previous times, Louis was scared. Terrified, even. He didn’t know what to do – before when they’d stayed at Harry’s, he’d taken Harry to his mother and stepfather’s bedroom and kind of just left it at that. He hadn’t stayed to see what Alice would do to calm her son down.

He pulled away slightly and looked into Harry’s eyes, trying to gain eye contact with the lad. It proved to be somewhat difficult. “Harry?” he said instead, placing a soft hand on Harry’s cheek and forcing the younger boy to at least look towards him. “Do you want me to call Alice? Your mum, Harry. Do you want me to call her?”

Harry paused slightly, furrowing his brows. Then, he said: “mummy?”

“Yeah, do you want me to call her?”

The curly haired lad closed his eyes, breathing in heavily. Shaking his head, he whispered a soft “no.”

“Are you sure? It’s no trouble if you want me to call her.”

“No, it’s okay now.”

“You sure?”

He could feel Harry nod the tiniest of nods against his shoulder. “Yeah,” he whispered, his voice slightly shaken still.

“Good,” Louis said. “Try to get some sleep, yeah?”

The boy went to stand, but felt a soft tuck on his wrist. He looked down towards Harry, who stared back up towards him with wide green eyes, shiny from still unshed tears. “Please stay.” He sounded so broken, so scared, and it made Louis’ heart break. What had happened to this boy? It must’ve been something horrible.

Louis paused. He licked his lips and looked over towards his bed; he could only make out a few black tots of hair from Zayn coming up from underneath the duvet, before he turned his focus back to the boy in front of him. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Scoot over.” Harry did as he was told and moved. Louis crawled under the covers and draped his arms around the lad, feeling the heat of Harry’s every breath against his collarbone. “Good night, Haz.”

“Night, Lou,” Harry whispered. It made Louis smile. It was the first time Harry had called him _Lou._

 

\--

 

The sleeping arrangements were shifted again. Harry and Louis shared the queen sized bed and Zayn happily moved to the single bed. Niall pouted again.

 

\--

 

It happened on a Thursday. Louis woke up to a warm feeling: an unknown and _warm_ feeling close to his lower region. He scrunched up his face and lifted his covers. It was still a little dark in the room, but light enough for him to see what it was.

Pee. Harry had wetted the bed.

Sitting up, Louis looked over towards the boy next to him. Harry didn’t seem to be having a nightmare. Still, he gently reached over and shook the younger lad awake. “Harry. Come on. Harry, wake up.”

Waking up Harry was easier than it had been the previous times. He slowly opened his eyes, looking confused before he focused on Louis. “Lou?”

“Get up, Haz,” Louis said softly.

“Why?” Harry asked, sitting up in the bed. There was a moment of completely silence. None of the boys said anything, before Harry’s eyes widened in realization. His face seemed to pale tremendously. Slowly, Harry too lifted the covers to look. “Oh God,” he whimpered, dropping the covers. “Oh God. Lou. Louis, I’m so, _so_ sorry. Oh God.”

Helping Harry stand up, Louis shook his head. “Really, it’s no problem.”

“Yes it is. It’s embarrassing. I just.. I hate myself so much.”

Louis quickly shook his head, pulling Harry into a tight embrace. He could feel the boy tremble with sobs against his chest. “No, don’t say that. Don’t. Come on now, Harry. Really, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” They pulled away and Louis reached up to wipe away several tears. Harry’s eyes were red and swollen. “Go take a shower, yeah? I’ll strip the bed and put some new sheets on it. I’ll bring you some clean pants and stuff.”

Sniffling, Harry agreed and left to the bathroom. With a soft sigh, Louis went back to the bed and started stripping it from the soiled sheets. He was oblivious to the fact that one of the boys on the bed right next to theirs had woken up and thus when he heard a soft “Louis,” he gasped and turned around, his hand placed upon his racing heart.

“Gosh, Liam,” he whispered harshly, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. “You complete and utter _shithead._ You scared the fuck out of me. Don’t do that!”

Liam chuckled and moved around the bed to stand next to Louis. “Sorry,” he said in a soft whisper. He looked towards the bed, noticing the yellow spot. “Eh, you. Ehm. Did you wet the bed, Louis?”

Louis stayed quiet for a while. “No.”

Liam, noticing his comfortableness didn’t push any further. Of course he noticed that the shower was on and that Harry was missing. Liam wasn’t stupid – he could add two and two together. He didn’t have to ask whether it was Harry who’d wetted the bed. They both knew. Instead he went to the closet and pulled out a new bed sheet, helping Louis put it back on the bed.

“I’ll just go hand these to Harry,” Louis said, gesturing towards the clean clothing in his hands. Liam nodded and waited for Louis to come back. They were both sat on the edge of the bed, no one saying anything for a while. Then, Louis shook his head and groaned. “I’m so scared for him.”

“Harry?” Liam asked, and when Louis nodded he asked him why.

“It’s just.. he looks so.. _lost_ sometimes, and I don’t know how to help him. He’s had nightmares every night, Liam. Every single night, and all I’m doing is cuddling him. I feel so useless.”

Liam didn’t move and neither did Louis. The younger of the two inhaled deeply. “You’re not useless. You’re doing more than the rest of us are, you know. Just, keep on doing what you’re doing – that’s all you _can_ do really.”

“But what if it’s not enough, though? Like, the first couple of days at his house he didn’t want anyone to touch him, yeah?”

Shaking his head Liam told him that he wasn’t sure whether it was enough or not. “All I know is that he’s still uncertain about me and Zayn touching him. Heck, he even flinches when Niall hugs him and Niall is the biggest teddy bear out there. But he trusts you.”

“I don’t know _why_ though.” Louis sounded frustrated. He tried to keep his voice down, not wanting to wake the two sleeping boys –although, he was only concerned about waking Niall since Zayn could sleep through a bomb going off. But he didn’t want for Harry to overhear their conversation either. It was hard though. “Why would he trust me?”

“You’ve been there for him since the start.”

“So have you though, and so have Zayn and Niall.”

“Not the same way you have, no. You’ve been there for him when we haven’t. You switched beds with Zayn because Harry didn’t want to sleep alone that night. Not many people would’ve done that.” He paused. “Especially not if you _knew_ about the bedwetting.”

Louis huffed, looking towards Liam. “You would’ve done that in a heartbeat as well.”

“Of course,” Liam agreed. “But he asked you. He’s seen something in you and he’s reached out. Don’t let him fall.”

Louis didn’t say anything. He looked towards the bathroom door, where they could hear the showers turn off and Harry move around. “Look at us,” he said finally. “Getting along for the first time.”

Liam grinned. “About time you actually listened to what I say, _Tommo_.”

“First time you’ve said anything remarkably worth listening to, _Payno_.”

“I’m heading to bed before he gets out,” Liam said standing up. He looked down towards Louis with a soft smile. “Take care of him when he gets back.”

Louis nodded his head. Always.

 

\--

 

One Direction settled on the song ‘Torn’. It fit their voices perfectly. Liam took the lead: his voice was flawless and vibrant and Liam was the most confident of the five lads when it came to singing. Harry was to take over during the chorus, harmonized by Louis and backed up by the three remaining boys. He was nervous, terrified that he’d mess up and the boys would lose because of him.

“Don’t be stupid,” Louis said with a grin. “My voice will blend in perfectly with yours and we’ll smash the shit out of it.”

They were currently on the beach, trying to calm their nerves before their performance in front Simon and his guest judge.

“Yeah,” Niall cut in. “Liam drilled us so hard those ten days at your place and the days we’ve been here. There’s no way we’ll get evicted now.” A big wave hit him in the head and Niall disappeared under the water for a few seconds. He emerged with a huge smile upon his face and two raised fists. “Yeah,” he yelled, “that was _awesome._ I love Spain!”

The boys all laughed and jumped around the water, splashing at each other. They were having a good time until Louis cried out in pain. “Oh _fuck_ ,” he exclaimed, his face scrunching up and small wrinkles forming near his eyes as he shut them tightly together.

“Tommo,” Liam yelled, quickly swimming over towards the other boy. When he reached him he asked him if he was okay.

“I don’t know,” Louis said. His voice was strained with pain. Liam helped Louis move towards the shore, closely followed by Niall and Harry. Zayn was standing by the shore, waiting for them. He’d overheard the painful cry. “Shit shit _fuck_ shit,” Louis whimpered as he hobbled towards is towel. He plunged down and raised his foot to examine the injury.

Harry sat down next to him, his eyes wide with fear. He kept looking from Louis’ wound to his face. Niall looked a little uneasy, covering his mouth with his hand and staying back. “You should really go to the hospital, mate,” Liam said softly next to Louis. “It’s already started to swell.”

A few of the other groups had gathered around the boys, everyone whispering among themselves. Finally, one of the assistants came over, ordering the flocking people to move away. He too examined Louis’ foot and came to the same conclusion. “Let’s go,” he said and helped Louis up.

The four remaining lads all watched as Louis, with the help of the assistant, limped towards an awaiting car.

“Shit,” Zayn muttered quietly.

“You’ve got that right,” Liam agreed. “Shit is exactly what this is. Shit.”

 

\--

 

Zayn had his arms wrapped around Niall’s shoulders, giving him a soft squeeze. “He’ll be all right,” he said.

“The blood,” Niall whispered. “Did you see the blood?”

The two of them was placed on the top stairs, waiting for Louis to come back. They hadn’t heard anything from either Louis, the assistant who’d taken him or anyone else at the mansion. Simon had come out briefly to ask what had happened, but otherwise the boys had been left alone. Liam was pacing in front of Niall and Zayn, mumbling incoherent words to himself. Every now and then, he’d stop and look longingly towards the gate entrance, before he’d return to pacing back and forth.

Harry was sat a few meters away. His arms wrapped around his legs and his face hidden in his knees. Zayn had tried comforting him, as had both Niall and Liam, but with every touch Harry had flinched and words seemed to just go right over his head. And so the boys had left him alone.

They all looked up when they heard the gates open, a smile forming on Niall’s lips as they saw the same car Louis had left in drive up towards the house. “Louis,” he cried over towards the boy and Harry looked up as well. His face lit up when he saw the car coming to a halt.

“Lou,” he whispered and quickly got up. As Louis opened the door and limped towards the awaiting boys, he was met with first Harry followed by Liam, Zayn and Niall, all running towards him to give him a hug.

Harry didn’t flinch.

“Don’t leave me again,” the youngest whispered into Louis’ ear.

The older lad gave him a smile and a promise that he would try not to. Together Liam, Niall, Zayn and Harry carried Louis towards the awaiting Simon Cowell. Their performance had been postponed until Louis’ arrival and they could now finally give a performance that could either leave them heartbroken once again or change their lives completely.

 

\--

 

“Guys,” Simon said. And as Simon does, he drew out the time making the boy wait for a few seconds. The cameramen were all up in the boys’ faces, wanting to get a good reaction from all of them. “I’ve gone with my heart. You’re through.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Viva la vida**

 

Much like when they were in Spain, Harry got the single bed. One Direction had received the smallest of the group-assorted rooms, and within only a few square meters the production had pushed in two bunk beds and a single along with a dressing drawer and a wardrobe. The last couple of hours Louis, Liam and Harry had spent their time unpacking. Harry, much to Liam’s excitement, took it upon himself to fold each of their clothes and stack them in the drawer or hang whatever could not be folded on racks in the closet.

“You’re such a neat person,” Louis said with a playful growl, snatching one of his own shirts after Harry had folded it and quickly unfolding it. “My clothes don’t need no folding, thank you very much.”

Liam frowned upon those words, deepening it when he saw Louis throwing his clean shirt on the floor. “Louis, pick that up.”

“No.”

“Louis, pick up your damn shirt. Harry spend a lot of time folding it and-“

“He literally spend three seconds,” Louis interrupted.

“-and,” Liam raised his voice, emphasizing that he was not done before Louis had disturbed his speech, “if we’re going to stay here for a long period of time we need to keep everything tidy.”

Harry was currently sitting on his knees in front of Louis’ wide-open suitcase with a pile of folded clothes to his right. His eyes kept flickering back and forth between the two bickering boys, nervously nibbling his lower lip. “It’s okay, guys,” he tried to intervene. “I really don’t mind doing it again.”

“No.” Liam held up a hand towards Harry, although he kept his eyes locked on Louis. “Don’t Harry. If Louis is going to be a twat he can fold his own fucking clothes.” As he spoke he bend down to pick up the discarded shirt, throwing it towards Louis.

“But I don’t want my fucking shirt folded,” Louis said, once again throwing his _Nirvana_ shirt on the floor. “I want my clothes out in the open, where they’re allowed to be free to be who they truly are and not stuck on some god damn closet.”

A thick silence fell upon the room. The only sound was Louis’ heavy breathing and some loud person from one of the other acts laughing hysterically from somewhere downstairs. Harry bent his head, instead turning his attention to the floor.

“Louis,” Liam started, but Louis shaking his head and mumbling a ‘ _no, not now’_ , stopped him. With that, the older lad turned around and left the room, leaving the door wide open. “Shit,” Liam mumbled to himself. He stilled his movements, taking deep breaths. “Fuck.”

Harry slowly got up, dusting his knees softly. “It’s okay,” he spoke. Liam turned around with a sorrowful expression. “It’s been a hard week for him.”

“I thought we were going to have fun on the X factor. Instead it’s turned into a fucking Kafka nightmare and we’ve not even entered Week One yet.” Harry nodded, but kept quiet. He didn’t have much to add; his words wouldn’t calm Liam down, nor would they make Louis feel any better. “You think I should go apologize?”

Harry shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, but I shouldn’t have pushed him like that.”

Harry shrugged, however he remained where he was. He still wasn’t comfortable being near the other boy without Louis by his side. “I don’t think this is about his shirt.”

“No.” It wasn’t and Liam knew that. “Why the fuck do they want him to remain in the closet.” It wasn’t a question per say. Liam of course knew the answer to it – Simon, as well as much of the X Factor production team, had gathered all of the acts yesterday before moving into the X Factor house, going over contracts and confidential agreements. Along with signing up to never gossiping about the four judges to the press and keeping everything that’s going on in the X Factor a secret, they all also signed a contract claiming them to never discuss sexuality and if needed always claiming to be heterosexual.

Louis had been less than thrilled.

The two boys turned their heads towards the open door when they head three knocks in a row. “You alright boys?” Mary Byrne asked. The few days (most of yesterday and today) they’d spend with her the older lady had come to be like a surrogate mother for the five lads. “I heard yelling.”

“No, yeah. We’re fine,” Liam said, forcing a fake smile on his face.

Mary nodded, not fully convinced. “I just saw that other boy of yours, what’s his name again? L-.. something.”

“Louis,” Liam told her.

“Ah, yea. Louis. He just left.”

Liam rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Did he say anything or?”

Mary shook her head, sending the two boys an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry love. He just walked through the door, not a word to anyone.” When both Harry and Liam remained silent, she continued. “Have you heard from the rest of your group just yet?”

“No,” Liam shook his head, walking over to the once again discarded shirt and picked it up. Fumbling with the fabric between his fingers he told her that Zayn and Niall had left with Matt Cardle and Cher Lloyd to the grocery store to buy some extra food for the next few days.

“Okay then. If you need anything, my room is just down the hall.”

Liam and Harry thanked the older woman before she left them to themselves. Once again Liam groaned. “What a fucking way to start our X Factor journey, eh?”

“Yes.”

Sometimes it frustrated Liam how quiet Harry was. He didn’t speak much and rarely spoke without being spoken to. At least not when it came to Liam and Zayn. Harry was a bit more open with Niall –who wasn’t. However, with Louis Harry seemed like any other sixteen-year-old lad. They would often good around; when the boys had first arrived Louis and Harry had had a tickle match on the single bed, playfully fighting over who’d get to sleep in it. In the end Harry won, but the five lads all knew that Louis would sneak out of his own bed during the night and crawl into Harry’s. And Harry would let him. In the morning, no one would say anything, all of the boys having gotten used to it when they were in Spain.

“I know him being forced back into the closet is taking a toll on him, but he’s still a twat.” Harry, as could be expected, remained unresponsive to Liam’s ranting. “Like, it’s not our fault. Not my fault, so I don’t know why the fuck he’s always picking fights with me.” With a final exhale Liam threw the shirt on the floor, before following in Louis’ footsteps and exiting the room without another word.

He left Harry alone in their shared bedroom. He stood quiet for a moment, before bending down to collect the shirt and once again he sat down in front of Louis’ suitcase and started folding the older lad’s shirts. However, instead of placing them in the closet like he’d done with the rest of the boys’ clothes, he neatly placed clothes (folded to perfection) in front of Louis’ bed.

 

\--

 

The two following weeks went by quickly for the five lads. It was hard managing not going mental in a house filled to the limit with other people, but it was do-able. The house had four bathrooms, one for each category, which Zayn complained loudly about.

“Why does the groups have to share one bathroom? The others are four people in one category, we’re four people in _one_ group. Well, we're five actually. How the fuck is that logical?”

But it wasn’t like they were spending a whole lot of time in the house anyway. The first day after they’d moved into the house, Simon had decided to invite his acts to his mansion. He served them dinner, letting the four groups mingle among each other. In the mean while he’d try to talk to every single one of them, get to know their strengths and weaknesses.

“Harry,” he said, once he’d finished talking to an overly enthusiastic Niall. “A word, my boy?”

Harry paused his actions; strawberry in hand while lingering in front of a half-open mouth. He shook his head, making his curls bounce, before he lowered his hand. “Ehm. Sure.”

“Lovely. Follow me please.” Simon made his way through the crowd, leading Harry towards one of the rooms on the other side of the connecting hallway. He opened the door, looking over his shoulder to be sure that Harry had indeed followed him. “Let’s talk in here. Much more comfortable for a two-on-two conversation.”

Harry hesitated before stepping into the room. From behind his mentor, Harry could see a bed in the room, making Harry guess that this might be some kind of guest bedroom. It didn’t look like the master one, although Harry hadn’t seen Cowell’s master bedroom and thus had no idea what that one looked like. However, he didn’t want to anger his mentor and thus he took a large step over the threshold. He gulped down a clump of saliva when he heard the door close behind him.

He was alone with Simon Cowell.

“So,” Simon said walking around Harry to take a stand in front of him. “How’s everything going?”

The young boy hesitated, much like he’d done before entering the spare bedroom. “Good,” he said, his voice low and timid. He kept shifting his weight from feet to feet, even looking over his shoulder once towards the door. Still closed.

“Only good?” Simon questioned. The grey-haired billionaire walked over towards a chair by the window and took a seat. “Why has it only been ‘good’?”

The curly haired lad gulped, lifting his eyes to stare at the older man. “It’s been.. great?"

“Are you telling me or asking me?” Simon pressured.

“It’s been great.” This time around Harry said it with a slightly increased confidence.

Simon pushed his lower lip out and with a firm nod he said “good. And the boys, how are you all getting along?” Shifting his eyes from Simon to the bed, he mumbled that the boys had been nice to him. “I was talking to Niall just a minute ago,” Simon said. “Lovely boy. Always so animated about everything.”

“Niall’s great,” Harry agreed.

“Indeed. He told me you all got along just fine. Small tiffs between Liam and Louis.”

Harry nodded slowly. He could feel his breathing increase just slightly and once again it took all of his will power not to panic. “Yeah,” he said finally. It came out as a high-pitched whisper and he closed his eyes in frustration.

“Nothing to be concerned about or?”

Shaking his head, Harry mumbled a soft no. “They just.. ehm.” Oh God – he couldn’t breath. His eyes kept flickering towards the bed. Why had Simon brought him into the bedroom? He hadn’t done that with any of the other acts. Oh God. _Nonono._

“Harry.” The mention of his name brought Harry out of his frenzy line of panic-containing thoughts. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah.” He couldn’t breath. Fuck, he couldn’t fucking breath.

“Are you sure?” Simon stood up and took a few steps towards Harry. The younger lad took a few steps back in reaction, which made Simon stop in his track. “Am I- am I making you uncomfortable?”

 _Yes. Yes. Yesyesyes._ Harry wanted to scream those words out, tell the old man to just back off for a minute. But he couldn’t. Instead he found himself shaking his head all the while mumbling “no. It’s just. I’m fine.”

“Fine,” Simon repeated. He seemed to be doing that a lot. Simon had pried for a few more answers before he’d given up and let Harry join the rest of the groups. The young lad had immediately stormed out in search of Louis. That night the older hadn’t waited until Harry had started whimpering to crawl into his bed. He’d joined him right after the two of them had brushed their teeth.

 

\--

 

Harry wet the bed that night.

 

\--

 

The rest of the first week remained fairly neutral. It wasn’t until the second week, leading up to their first live performance that all of the exciting stuff happened. They had their first photo-shoot, followed by shooting their introduction clip. In between they squeezed in hours of rehearsals and vocal training.

On the night before Saturday Niall decided to pull out his guitar. He, along with a few of the other contestants, sat around in the living room, jamming to a few songs. They were in the middle of singing an acoustic version of Jason Mraz song _I’m Yours_ , when Zayn nudged Harry’s shoulder with his own.

“Wanna head outside?” he whispered into Harry’s ear.

The younger lad licked his lips, “just you and me?” he whispered back. When Zayn told him that yeah, it would only be the two of them, Harry had paused to look over towards Louis. The oldest One Direction member was in the midst of a solo performance, but their eyes met none-the-less. A small smile from Louis was all it took for Harry to turn his attention back towards Zayn while nodding his head. He followed the raven-haired singer out into the backyard and took a stand near the door.

“Is it okay if I smoke?” Zayn asked, pulling down the cigarette he’d hidden behind his ear.

Harry shrugged, “it’s the reason we went out here.”

“Not really,” Zayn said while lighting the smoke. “Well, partially the reason. Want one?”

Harry shook his head with a frown on his face. "No thank you. What’s the other reason?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Zayn took a deep inhale on the cigarette, feeling the pleasurable feeling of pain tightening his lungs, before he let out of the toxic smoke through his lips. “We don’t really talk much. Well, you don’t. With me at least.”

Harry’s lips formed a small ‘oh’. “I’m sorry.”

“No no,” Zayn shook his head, dripping the cigarette ash onto the floor, before lifting the stick to his mouth and sucking on it. “Don’t be. I get it, you know? You’re shy.”

“I guess.”

Zayn nodded. “And I am shy as well. Maybe not the same way you are, but at home I didn’t have many friends. Not after Jack.” He paused after he’d mentioned his old friend. Then, he took another drag. “I was just thinking.. maybe we could be shy together, you know?”

“Okay.”

Zayn chuckled. It was clear that Harry didn’t understand what he’d meant. “I like you Harry. You’re a cool dude. You keep quiet and I guess you’ve got your reasons. As do I and as a fellow shy person I don’t want to intrude and force you into talking about it.”

“Thank you,” Harry said with a soft smile.

“I know you’re a lot closer to Louis. He’s also chill – I’m really happy that we all got put together. You lot seem like such a chill bunch of lads and I’m just really relieved that none of you are dickheads.” They both laughed and Harry couldn’t help but agree. They’d all just accepted each other, flaws and scars and everything and for that he was eternally grateful. “But, if you ever feel the need to talk to someone _not_ Louis, just know that I am here, yeah?”

“Oh,” Harry said. Then, he sent Zayn a small smile. “Thanks. And ehm. You too?”

Zayn nodded and threw the last of his cigarette on the ground. “It was nice talking to you,” he said, while stepping on the cigarette bud. “Let’s head inside, yeah?”

 

\--

 

They sang _Viva la vida._ Harry threw up twice right before the live show, but once he was stood on the stage he couldn’t help but feeling like home. The stage was where he belonged.

 

\--

 

They made it through elimination.

Harry had cried with happiness. Niall had jumped off the stage like a kangaroo, while Zayn had jumped up and down clapping his hands together like a child. Liam had been speechless, holding his hands to his mouth and Louis had screamed his heart out.

F.Y.D was eliminated.

Simon seemed indifferent towards this. He still had his favourite act on the show and to him that was all that mattered. He was bringing One Direction to the finale. No matter the costs.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is a little.. different - I am both excited and nervous to see how you'll react to it :) Thank you to everyone reading and/or reviewing and all the kudos I've recieved. It warms my old, fragile heart <3

**My Life Would Suck Without You**

 

It had been four hours since the elimination. What had started out as a celebration had quickly turned into sadness as they all hugged the boys from F.Y.D. goodbye, comforting when comfort was needed. After the tears had run dry, Simon had joined them, wishing his eliminated group good luck in the future. Then, he’d turned to Diva Fever, Belle Amie and of course the five lads from One Direction with a serious face, yet still a hint of a smile.

“What a start,” he commented, and the remaining acts gave a small laugh. “This should not discourage you guys from going out there next Saturday, delivering the best performances in your lives.” He’d continued for the next thirty minutes giving the groups a pep talk, while finally revealing the theme for next week. “Heroes,” he said, looking over the different groups. “I’ve got your individual song choices planned already.”

And thus One Direction was given ‘My Life Would Suck Without You’, originally performed by Kelly Clarkson. Louis had scuffed at that, because “Kelly is definitely no hero of mine. Now Robbie Williams, that’s a hero right there!”

“I chose Kelly Clarkson for you guys because she was the first one to win a singing contest like such and I believe, with all my heart, that you five are going to be the first _group_ to win this contest.”

“But why that song, though,” Liam interjected. His bushy eyebrows were furrowed and he was in what Niall had dubbed ‘daddy mode’ – all serious and only business. “She’s done much greater songs – Walk Away, Behind These Hazel Eyes just to name a few.”

Simon shrugged; the shrug where you know that you’ve lost the discussion – Simon Cowell will not bow down, not even to his favourite group. “It’s her major single at the moment. Teenage girls as well as adults will recognize the song. It’s safe in that sense, but a risk in the sense that the audience won’t expect it. However, with this song you’ll fly straight on through next elimination. Trust me.”

“Do you say that to all your acts or just us?” Louis smirked. He received a wacky punch on his arm from Liam, to which he loudly complained “ouch!”

Simon scowled, raising his eyebrow at the oldest One Direction member, however he chose to ignore the sassy comment. “Tomorrow you have the day off, rehearsals start Tuesday. Vocal training will be Tuesday evening, choreography Wednesday. Wednesday as well as Thursday we’ll film your introduction clip and Friday will be filmed with more rehearsals. This is how the weeks to come will be build up as well. If there’s any changes –like press conferences, outings, movie premieres, I’ll let you know.”

“Thank you,” Liam said nodding. Simon gave them all a brief nod, his eyes landing on the youngest member for a second longer than the rest. He paused, but shook his head and left.

Beside Liam the only Irish member couldn’t contain his glee. “But seriously guys, how awesome is it that we’ll get to sing miss Clarkson songs! She’ll super hot!”

“I don’t know,” Zayn shrugged, reaching over to grab the paper Simon had given to Liam before he’d left. His eyes roamed over the lyrics and with a grimace he looked up. “I’ve never heard of her.”

Niall looked offended. “What?!” The dyed lad leaned over and with exaggeration in his voice he immediately started telling Zayn all about who Kelly Clarkson ‘the first fucking winner of American Idol’ is.

Louis looked over towards Harry; he’d noticed the way their mentor had stared at the curly haired lad. “You okay?” he whispered into Harry’s ear, nudging the smaller boy softly with his elbow.

“Yeah,” Harry whispered back. He licked his lower lip, his eyes still trained upon the spot their mentor had stood mere seconds prior. “Just.. tired, I guess.”

There was more to it and Louis knew it. He also knew Harry, and therefore he knew that if he pushed the younger boy further Harry would end up retracting into himself. He therefore dropped the subject. “We made it, eh?”

“Yeah,” Harry chuckled, for the first time looking at the boy next to him. “I can’t believe it.”

“I know, me neither.” Louis threw his arm around Harry’s slightly broad shoulders, pulling him closer. “I cannot believe we made it through our first live show. Harry, we’ve got _fans._ Like actual, real fans – girls and boys screaming and chanting our names.”

Harry smiled. He leaned his head on Louis’ shoulder, chuckling when Louis pretend-sneezed as one of Harry’s unruly curls tickled his nose. “It’s crazy, innit?”

“Totally.”

 

\--

 

That night the two boys snuggled close to each other in the bed. The five lads had opted not to go out with the other acts to celebrate, instead staying in the X factor House, watching movies and eating crisps. Once it was way passed midnight the boys headed to bed. All of them fell asleep with wide smiles on their lips.

 

\--

 

“From the top boys,” shouted their choreographer for the fourth time that day. It was Wednesday and it was rainy and all five lads were in horrible sour moods.

Zayn ran his fingers through his short hair, shaking his head. “I can’t do,” he said in a thick Bradford accent. “I don’t know how to do those steps.”

“Come on, Zayn,” answered the fit man, jumping onto the stage in a quick motion. “It’s literally one two three four, one two three four – just count to four to the beat of the sound.”

Shaking his head from side to side once more, Zayn let out a frustrated growl. “I’m serious man. I can’t think about counting while trying to remember the lyrics. It’s like proper impossible for me you know?”

“Zayn-“ the choreographer started, but Louis cut him off.

“Listen,” he said, taking a step forth to stand in between the frustrated man and his bandmate. “Why don’t we just cut the dancing crap; none of us wants to be dancing anyway, well maybe with the exception of Irish over there,” he said, pointing with his thumb towards Niall.

“What do you suppose we do instead then?” It wasn’t the choreographer’s intention to sound as whiny and _immature_ as he came off as, but the boys where the sixth act he had to choreograph that day and so far only Diva Fever had nailed their dancing routine. With his hands on his hips and said hip popped to the right, he gave Louis a pointed look as he waited for an answer.

The younger lad gave him one. “Let us just stand behind our micks. Liam sings, we harmonize with him and then when the beat drops, we can snatch our micks from the stand and move towards the edge of the stage. Do a little wiggling about; sway our hips for the ladies-“ he gave a dramatic pause. If he could he’d add in ‘and the boys’, but the discussion they’d had the first night they’d moved into the X factor House regarding sexuality made him bite his tongue. “I am sure someone in the audience would think that was enough dancing from us.”

Brian, the choreographer, pressed his lips together. Then, finally after a few seconds, he gave off a smacking sound and threw his hands up into the air. “Fine,” he said, turning around and jumped off the stage. “Do as you please, then.” He took a seat in one of the Judge’s Chairs and swirled his hand around in the air. “From the top.”

 

\--

 

“Louis,” Harry said Wednesday evening. They were the only two boys in their bedroom. Liam was out somewhere; neither Harry nor Louis knew exactly where. Zayn had fallen asleep on the couch earlier that evening and Niall was in the kitchen, eating and playing the guitar simultaneously.

Louis looked up from his iPod, “yeah?”

“Have you ever fucked someone?”

Louis’ world turned silent and blurry for a brief second, because _okay?_ Harry had asked that question without blinking, without any hesitation, which was not like the sixteen year old at all. Harry was shy, timid and so very innocent and that question was so.. _not._ He’d never imagined he’d have this conversation with Harry and if they did end up talking sex, he’d never in his wildest dreams imagined that Harry would’ve used the term ‘fuck’. “Ehm,” he stuttered, pausing his music and pulling the headphones from his ear. “Yeah.”

“Oh,” Harry said, looking down into his lap. He fumbled with his thumb, running the left one over the right one for a few strokes, before he reached up to swipe away a stray curl.

Louis couldn’t help but stare at the boy. “Harry,” he said. He frowned, sat up a bit straighter and placed his iPod next to him. “Are you.. why are you asking me this?”

“I don’t know,” Harry shrugged. He could feel the tension rise in their room, something he wasn’t used to when it came to Louis. It had happened a few times with Liam – especially when the older boy would throw an unexpected arm around Harry’s shoulders resulting in the younger boy to flinch. “Forget it.”

“No no,” Louis said. “Does this, ehm. Does this have anything to do with the fact that I’m gay?”

Harry paused. Then he whispered, “no.”

“Are you sure?” Louis could feel his heartbeat pick up. He’d never considered how the other boys thought of him in regards to his sexuality. He’d told them weeks ago, and while they all seemed to have accepted him completely, he’d never actually asked them if they were okay with it. Mainly because if they weren’t then fuck them, right? “Harry, if you’re not comfortable with my sexuality then I’d rather you just tell me.”

Harry remained quiet for a good four seconds, before he softly shook his head. “No. I don’t care really.”

“Okay,” Louis said. To be completely honest he hadn’t pecked Harry as the homophobic type – especially not with al the cuddling the two of them had going on, but he still couldn’t help but fell a tiny bit of relief. “Good.”

Harry nodded, but otherwise kept quiet. Louis let it sink in what it was he and Harry had just discussed. He still couldn’t help but feel a bit _heavy_ in his stomach. This was such a non-Harry topic and the way he’d nonchalantly brought up the subject worried the Doncaster boy tremendously.

 

\--

 

On Friday’s rehearsals Harry fell sick. The young lad had been acting off since his and Louis’ late-night-chat a few nights prior, but the hour-long toilet visits and retching sounds indicated that this was something far worse.

Savan their vocal coach approached them when it was clear that Harry was in no condition to sing. “I really think he should sit this one out,” he said. He kept eyeing the curly haired teenager. He felt extra pitiful for the lad when Harry placed his forehead against Niall’s shoulders and by the shaking of his shoulders, Savan could only guess that he’d started crying.

“But what about rehearsals?” Liam asked. Of course he wanted what was best for Harry and he wasn’t stupid – Harry could not sing in the state he was in. But he also had three other bandmembers to worry about. “Should we continue on with rehearsals, or?”

Savan shrugged. “We’ll move your times around, yeah? Are Belle Amie here, or any other act for that matter?” he looked over his shoulder, asking his question to an assistant behind him.

It was the headset guy – Jake. “Cher Lloyd arrived not ten minutes ago. Want me to go fetch her?”

“Could you?” Jake nodded his head quickly and took off running towards the backstage in search for the young lady. In the meanwhile Savan turned back towards One Direction. “Okay, we’ll let other acts rehearse before you guys. Hopefully Harry’ll feel better by then.”

 

\--

 

Two hours passed and Harry was still weeping, pitiful sounds emerging from his lips. He sat leaned towards Niall, which wasn’t really a complete surprise as he and Harry were quite close. What shocked the four lads, however, was the fact that Harry had flinched when Louis had tried to hug him.

 

\--

 

“I really think he should go see a doctor,” Brian the choreographer finally said. They’d waited until all other acts had rehearsed, but Harry still hadn’t freshened up. Four times he’d run backstage, dry heaving into the toilet. “If he cannot sing then there’s no point in him being here.”

It sounded far colder than what the dancer had intended, but he was only speaking his mind and the truth.

Savan nodded his head, “I know.” With worried eyes he motioned for Jake again, gesturing him to come over. “Could you take Harry to the doctors?”

“Nn.” The protesting whimper caused Savan to turn around.

“Harry?” Savan asked. He took a few steps towards the boy, helping the struggling boy into a sitting position. He’d been resting his head in Niall’s lap for the last twenty minutes. “What’s wrong?” Savan quickly let go of Harry, knowing he didn’t like being touched by members outside of the band, and sometimes not even then.

Curly hair bobbed as Harry shook his head. “Don’ wan’a go.”

“But Harry, we cannot have you this sick tomorrow. Just go with Jake to the doctors, just to be sure if this is a twenty-four hours bug or something,” Liam said softly.

“More like a forty-eight hours bug,” Louis muttered under his breath. He was sitting a few seats down from Harry, his arms crossed over his chest. He felt hurt. Hurt that Harry had rejected him when he’d tried to comfort the crying teen.

“Don’ wit’ Jake.”

Savan frowned. “You don’t want to go with Jake?” When the younger lad shook his head weakly, the vocal coach scrunched up his face and asked why. Harry, however, didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forwards and promptly vomited on the floor, mere centimetres from Savan’s shoes. “Great,” he muttered. He looked over towards another assistant. “Maggie,” he gestured her to come over, before turning back towards Harry. “Will you go with Maggie?” Harry nodded and that settled it.

 

\--

 

Jake the headset guy cleaned up the vomit. He was _not_ happy.

 

\--

 

Harry came back from the doctors late. Zayn was already asleep and Niall was in bed, scrolling through his twitter account on his phone. Liam was sat in his pyjamas pants on his bed and quickly rose when the door opened to reveal a little less pale-looking Harry Styles.

“Hey,” said the older lad, hurriedly jumping over discarded dirty laundry on the floor to help his younger bandmate. He hesitated before placing a helping hand on Harry’s elbow, guiding him towards his single bed. “How’re you feeling?”

Niall closed his phone, put it under his pillow and sat up more straight. Louis turned off the music he’d been listening to and focused on harry instead.

“Better,” answered Harry with a yawn. “I’m tired now.”

Nodding, Liam told Harry to get ready for bed, which Harry quickly did leaving the three awake boys to themselves. Maggie stopped by the open door then. “Hi boys.”

“Hi,” they replied in unison.

“So, Harry should be fine tomorrow. The doctor reckoned it was nerves.”

Liam looked sceptical, his left eyebrow raising a tad. “Nerves? He was fine last live performance?”

The young red-haired assistant shrugged, placing Harry’s back on the floor. “I don’t know. The doctor couldn’t find any reason and when we told her who Harry was, she figured it was nerves. She gave him some sedatives, which seemed to work.”

Maggie left the X factor House after telling the boys information that they already knew: they were to be up and ready by nine the next morning and a car would come and pick them up and drive them to the X factor production site. It was only a few minutes after she’d left that Harry emerged from the bathroom.

“’think I’m heading straight to bed,” he informed the boys.

Liam nodded, “sounds good. We want you healthy and ready-to-go bright and early tomorrow morning.”

Harry nodded and gave Liam a soft smile, not really reaching his eyes. The older lad played it off as tiredness, but he couldn’t know for sure. Harry was acting a bit weird – when the youngest had left for the doctors, the boys had discussed his unusual behaviour. Louis had even brought up what Harry had asked him a couple of days ago and much like Louis the boys reacted with surprise.

Louis watched as Harry crawled under his bedcovers, immediately turning his back towards Liam, Niall and Louis. The older lad wasn’t sure whether or not he should crawl under the covers. He’d barely slept in his own bunkbed, always opting to snuggle up close to Harry, but with the distance Harry had started putting between the two of them, Louis wasn’t sure if that would be the right thing to do. And so he put his earbuds back in his ears and turned on the music, sleeping by himself for the first time in weeks.

 

\--

 

Louis slept through the night. He wasn’t sure whether it was because Harry hadn’t had any nightmare or if he’d simply not woken up from the whimpering sounds often following said nightmares. Despite a full night sleep, Louis had never felt more tired.

 

\--

 

Harry was back to normal the next morning. He took his last sedative before heading towards the production site. He still kept his distance from Louis though, opting to sit next to Niall or even Zayn.

Liam looked over towards Louis every now and then, seeing the hurt in his eyes. But the blue-eyed boy merely shook his head and looked away when he’d catch Liam staring. Despite everything, the day went by quickly and they nailed their performance.

Just like Simon had promised them they sailed through to next weeks live shows. However, the Groups where hit with another blow as Diva Fever were eliminated alongside one of Louis Walsh’s Over 28.

Despite all this, Simon Cowell seemed happy. He even winked at his youngest act as they made it through elimination, but a tint in his eyes seemed sad. As they were all ushered off stage, he pulled Jake towards the side.

“Yes, Mr. Cowell?”

“I want you to dig after information about one of my acts.”

Jake seemed intrigued. “Okay?”

“I want you to find information about Harry Styles. The boy is hiding a secret, and I want to know what it is.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so so much for all those sweet comments. You truly are amazing. Here's another chapter - I don't know why, but I'm always so nervous posting. This one is a little longer than normal so yeah :) Enjoy!

**Nobody Knows**

 

That night Louis did wake to the sound of whimpers. Pitiful small mewls could be heard through the dark making the teen bold straight out off bed towards his friend. He crouched down in front of Harry, very intend of _not_ touching him. “Hey hey,” he whispered, trying hard not to wake the remaining One Direction boys. Harry didn’t seem to register the words; instead he trashed his head from side to side a couple of times, small sobs still escaping his lips.

“Nn,” he groaned in a scrunched up face. “Stp, nn!”

“Ssh shh,” the older lad encouraged. Louis looked over his shoulder towards the bunk beds, noting that the three boys still seemed to be sleeping. He turned his attention back towards Harry, “hey, come on now, Haz. It’s okay, yeah?”

“Gt ‘f,” was the reply he got.

Louis gave a curt and brief nod, and very decisive he placed a soothing hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You’re shaking,” he whispered into the dark. _Shit._ It must be a bad one, Louis thought to himself. “Harry,” he said first, followed by “Haz. Hazza.” With each word he shook his friend’s shoulder first softly, then with a little more force. “Har-“

Harry sat up swiftly, letting out a high-pitched scream as he did so. His chest was heaving in and out, and with each gasp he sounded as if he was choking on air. Emerald eyes darted around the room, panic and fear evident.

 _It must’ve been a_ really _bad night terror._

“Hey,” Louis said, trying to smile through the pain of watching his friend suffer. Harry, however, did not seem to register that Louis was there, nor that he was, in fact, awake. He kept panting, looking around the room as if in daze. After a good few seconds of doing so, he groaned and fisted his hands together. His right fist went to his lips and he bit down, muffling yet another scream. “Hey, no no, none of that,” Louis said. Without thinking Louis crawled unto Harry’s bed and wrapped his hand around Harry’s wrist. With a gentle tug he pulled the distraught teen’s fist from his teeth and firmly tucked it against his sides, while his free arm wrapped around Harry’s torso, pulling him against his chest. Louis started swaying back and forth, mumbling repetitive how everything would be okay. “I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe. Shh. You’re okay now, love. I’m here.”

“Please,” Harry whimpered, the first coherent word he’d said all night.

“I know,” Louis said, squirming a bit as he felt the familiar warmth start to spread across his thighs and bottom.

_He’s wet the bed again.  
_

“I know, love. I know.” They sat like that for while, just rocking back and forth in a pacifying manner. Louis had no idea for how long they sat cuddled together, but he didn’t mind. They had the following day off, and quite frankly, Harry was far more important than any performance. If the younger lad needed him, Louis would be damned if he was not there for him.

The room was quiet except for a few cries from Harry every now and then, and thus it startled the Doncaster boy slightly when another voice broke the silence. “Everything alright?”

Louis looked over towards Liam with a soft smile. “Yeah,” he said quietly. He could sense a tremor in his voice, which made him scowl. “Just a nightmare.”

Liam nodded, pulling the covers off and revealing his bare chest. “You need help?” The younger lad looked ready to jump at any given direction.

“Nah,” Louis whispered, but caught himself. “Actually. Would you mind giving up your bed for the night? I think this one is fast asleep again,” he gestured towards Harry, whose head was tilted slightly backwards, leaning against the nape of Louis’ neck.

Liam nodded and got up, pulling his blanket with him. “Sure thing.” He walked over towards Louis and Harry. “Need some help moving him?”

“Would you mind?”

Shaking his head, “not at all,” Liam reached down and gently wrapped his arms under Harry’s knees and behind his back. He stood up slowly, bringing the sleeping youngster with him and placed him on his own bed. With a frown he turned around. “What should we do about his trousers?”

“What about them?”

“They’re wet.”

“Oh, right,” Louis said in a hushed tone and got up. As he did so, he pulled of the wet bed sheet and placed it on the floor by the bed. He took a stand next to Liam, observing the sleeping boy. “He can’t sleep with wet pants. It cannot be healthy.”

“Should we remove them?”

Louis nodded his head, “yeah. Better do.”

“Isn’t that illegal, or something? Removing someone’s pants in their sleep?”

Louis paused, fumbling in lower lip between his teeth. “Maybe. But if it’s for the right purposes I guess it’s okay. It’s not like we’re _assaulting_ him.”

“True,” Liam said. “I think you better be the one to it.”

“Why?” Louis questioned, angling his head to the side.

“He trusts you,” the taller boy pointed it. “I know you’ve been quarrelling lately, but you’re still the one he trusts the most in the house.” And so Louis stepped forth and as quickly as possible he stripped Harry of his wet pants and sleeping-trousers. “Place them by the dirty sheets. I’ll wash them in a minute.”

Louis complied and threw the dirty clothes into the pile. Then, he squatted down in front of Harry’s drawer, pulling it out. “He’s got no clean pants.”

“They’re probably in the hamper then,” Liam stated. “Don’t worry,” he bent down and picked up the sheets and clothes. “I’ll wash them as well.”

“Thanks,” Louis said lowly. Pulling out a fresh pair of jammies bottoms, he quickly redressed their youngest member before he grasped Harry’s blanket off the bed and placed it upon his sleeping form.

“I’ll be back in a swifty,” Liam whispered and walked towards the laundry room. When he came back after putting them in the washing machine, he found Louis dead asleep on the single bed. Liam smiled, and much like Louis had done with Harry, he grabbed the older lad’s blanket from his bed and covered him up. Then, he walked over towards Louis’ bunk bed and crawled up the ladder, before finally falling asleep himself.

 

\--

 

Monday was tense. When Louis had finally woken, he was the last one to do so. He’d even slept later than _Zayn_!

He emerged from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from his eyes. The door leading into Belle Amie’s room as still closed. No surprise there. He walked passed a few more doors – Cher Lloyd’s and Rebecca Fergusson’s among more, before he reached the stairs. Ascending into the kitchen, he was greeted by Niall and Zayn as well as Matt Cardle and Aiden Grimshaw.

“Morning,” Niall said with a smile and his mouth full of toast.

Louis nodded his greeting, and took a seat between Aiden and Zayn. “Where’s Liam?”

“Went jogging,” Niall answered, swallowing hard. The outline of the chewed bread was visible as it made it’s way through his throat.

“And Harry?”

“In the broom closet,” the Irishman shrugged.

“The broom closet?”

Zayn joined in, and with a much more calming voice than Niall, Zayn explained that Harry had been in there ever since he himself had woken up, which had been two hours ago. “You can hear him talking – I think he’s on the phone with someone. But when you knock, he stops. I’ve only tried twice, then I gave up.”

“I’m really worried about him,” Louis stated, reaching over and snatching one of Niall’s toast, earning himself a ‘hey!’ from the blond boy.

Aiden cut in, asking what he meant.

“Him and Harry’s been fighting,” Niall answered.

“We have not been fighting, Niall. We’re just.. he’s been ignoring me lately.” Even Louis could hear the whininess in his voice, but Louis didn’t care. He was frustrated and he just wanted his friend back.

Aiden nodded his head and took a sip of his orange juice. “How long’s this been going on for?”

“Couple of days?” he asked, looking towards Zayn for confirmation. The Bradford lad nodded his head, “yeah. A couple of days.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Matt asked, finally joining the conversation. Being older than the rest of the boys, Matt tended to keep to himself and mostly hung out with Mary Byrne and John Adeleye. However, he had noticed a slight tension between the five boys, but had decided to stay out of it. Until now. “Asked him what’s wrong? You know, it might not be _you_.”

“What else could it be?” Louis asked, raising his voice slightly. “He’s not ignoring Zayn or Liam or Niall!”

Matt nodded, finding Louis’ frustration understandable. He too would be upset if his friend, his _band mate_ , was ignoring him. “Look, give him a day or two. If he’s not better by then, confront him. The two of you need to fix this, not only for yourselves, but for your band mates sake as well.”

“Okay,” Louis gave in. “I’ll give him until tomorrow.”

“Do that,” Matt said with a comforting smile. “Until then, here – have some of this. Mary cooked it this morning and it is _delicious._ ”

 

\--

 

The next morning was a replicate of the last previous mornings. Louis had to do something. He needed his _best_ mate back.

 

\--

 

“Harry?” the question was followed by three knocks. It was still early morning, both Zayn and Niall still asleep, and Liam out for his regular morning jog. Louis had woken up not ten minutes ago to find Harry’s bed empty. He’d spend the first two minutes looking for the curly haired lad, until he’d found him, once again locked inside the broom closet. “Harry, are you in there?” It was a dumb question, really. Louis _knew_ that Harry was in there, had heard his husky voice mumbling garbled words into a phone.

A moment went by, and Louis almost gave up, before a soft ‘yeah’ could be heard.

“It’s almost time to leave for rehearsals.”

Pause. “I’ll be right out.”

“Okay,” Louis replied softly. He hesitated, before he knocked on the door again. “Harry? Can I come in, please?”

He could almost hear the thoughts crash about inside Harry’s mind; hear how he weighed the pros and cons in regards to letting Louis in and it truly pained the nineteen year old that Harry felt this way. He was nervous; anxious about Harry possibly saying no. What would happen to the band then, if Harry and Louis didn’t manage to make up? Would they have to break up before they’d even started? His rambling thoughts were interrupted when Harry surprisingly agreed.

“I’ll talk to you later,” he heard Harry whisper, followed by an ‘I love you too.’ Then, he heard the lock unlock and the broom door opened slowly, revealing a dishevelled looking Harry. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, with dried tear tracks clearly visible on his chubby cheeks. “Hi.”

Louis gave him a sheepish smile in return. “Hey.” He wavered. “Can I.. Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Harry permitted, stepping aside to let the other boy in. Once Louis had walked passed him, Harry shut the door. While Louis took a seat on the floor, Harry remained standing, keeping his back against the door and his arms wrapped around his chest. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Us,” was the first thing that came to mind. Louis licked his lips and exhaled deeply. “I’ve missed you.”

Somehow that statement shocked Harry. “Oh,” was his reply. He scrunched his brows a bit, forming a thick wrinkle between them. “I’ve missed you too.”

“I just,” Louis started, but he wasn’t sure how to continue. He didn’t exactly think this conversation through – what should he say, how should he say it? Those where some of the thoughts tumbling through his already overcrowded mind. “Why. Just, tell me why. Why did you stop liking me?”

Harry’s head snapped up faster than Harry had ever moved before. “W-what?”

“I must’ve done something to piss you off, yeah? With the way you’ve ignored me. Just, tell me what I did so I can fix it.” By now Louis was working hard, and failing miserably, at keeping his tears away. He sniffled, tipping his head up and willingly blinking his tears away.

“I don’t hate you,” Harry whispered softly.

Louis huffed a dry laugh, blinking a little too hard and thus resulting in big fat tears leaking from his eyes, one after another. He reached up with the back of his hand, desperately trying to wipe them away. “Then why are you ignoring me? What’ve I done?”

“Nothing,” Harry whispered. “You’ve done nothing.”

Giving up in trying to contain his tears, Louis snorted. “So you’re just being an arshole then? Is that it – because if I’ve done nothing, why the fuck have you been ignoring me?”

“I just don’t understand.”

Scowling, Louis ran his fingers through his ruffled morning hair. “Understand what?”

Harry took a deep breath; he could feel how the air burned his lungs as he continued inhaling. Then, as he started letting out air, he slowly slid down the wall until he too was sat on the floor. With his head bend and curls covering his face, he finally asked, “don’t you want me?”

Louis stopped. His breath hitched in his throat. Staring at Harry, he now noticed that he also had started crying. “Want you?” he whispered. His voice was raw from crying and every word he spoke scratched his already sore throat. “Of course I want you, otherwise I wouldn’t have been this persistent with you. Of course I want you in my life, I-“

“No,” Harry interrupted, probably for the first time ever. “Not like that. I mean.. _sexually_.”

“Oh,” Louis said softly, because _oh._ Oh! “Sexu- why would I want you like that?”

“We’ve been cuddling,” mumbled the sixteen year old. “You’ve been spooning me almost every night, pulling me tight against you. I can feel you too, you know. Your erection.” With each word spoken, a tear escaped his eyes, ran down his plump cheeks and dropped from his chin to his pants. “When I asked you if you’d ever fucked someone and you said yes, I just.. I guess I couldn’t understand why you’d never asked me I guess.”

“Haz, my morning wood does _not_ mean that I want you sexually.”

“But,” Harry sniffled, raising his head to level with Louis’. “You stripped me naked. I woke up that morning with no pants and new bottoms. I know it was you because you’re the last thing I remember before falling back asleep.”

It pained Louis how absolutely devastated Harry looked. Within those green eyes of his, Louis could only see sadness and pain and fear and possibly a hint of betrayal, and it hurt Louis deep inside his heart. _He’d_ made Harry feel all of those things. He thought he’d been helping the lad, but instead he’d only caused him pain. _More_ pain. “Y-you had a nightmare,” Louis stammered out, his voice quivering. “And you. Ehm. Yeah.”

“Oh,” Harry said with a few nods of his head, finally catching on. “So you don’t then. Want me.”

Louis paused. He’d never really thought about it; wanting Harry in any other way than friendship. Maybe it was because he’d always viewed the younger boy as innocent; kissing and lovemaking was not the thoughts he’d associated with Harry. And therefore he told him no, he’d never wanted Harry like that. “But,” he said, not frowning but merely looking curious. “Haz, are you even gay?”

“No.”

“Bi?”

Harry shook his head, mumbling a soft “not that I know of. Never really thought about it I guess.”

Keeping his features soft, Louis said, “I don’t want to sleep with every boy I see just like you don’t want to sleep with every girl you see.”

“I don’t want to _sleep_ with anyone. I just.. if you wanted to I would let you, you know.”

Louis tried to not react to those words, but he felt a pang of _something_ in his chest. “You shouldn’t let me sleep with you just because you think that’s what I want, Hazza. You should want that too, otherwise it wont be good for either of us.” Harry didn’t say anything and thus Louis continued. “You’ll know once you’re ready. You’ll understand it then. Just,” he licked his lips, scooted forward and took Harry’s hands in his. “Promise me you wont sleep with someone just because they want you to. You have to want it as well.”

If Harry hesitated just a second too long, Louis didn’t comment on it. With an almost none-existing nod, Harry finally agreed. “Okay.”

“Good,” Louis said, smiling slightly. “Now come here,” he pulled Harry against his chest, wrapping his arms tight around the young boy. “If anything’s bothering you, I want you to talk to me, yeah? Don’t just ignore me. I cannot help you if you don’t tell me what’s troubling you.”

“M’kay,” Harry whispered into the cervix of Louis’ neck.

When they pulled apart, Harry lifted his hand in which he was still holding onto the mobile cell phone. “I have to call my mum again,” he said softly.

“Sure thing,” Louis said with his smile still permanent on his lips. “We’re good, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Great,” as Louis exited the closet room, closing the door behind him a thought fell over him. Maybe he _did_ like Harry as more than just friendship. He certainly did not feel like this towards any of the other boys. Actually, he’d never felt what he felt for Harry towards _anyone_ before.

_Well shit._

 

\--

 

”All right boys,” the driver said. He looked over his shoulder, making sure that there was no other car in the way before he made a left turn. “It’s going to be pretty crowded out there today – it has been leaked to the nation where you’re going and at what time, so just make sure that you keep together at all times.”

The boys nodded their heads in unison. Liam, however, noticed Niall pale a bit. “You okay?” he asked. This brought the attention of the other boys to the Irishman.

Niall nodded slowly, his eyes still wide with evident dread. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just.. don’t like crowded places all that much.”

“You’re going to have to get used to it,” the driver said, looking into the rear mirror and making eye contact with Niall. “I mean, from what I’ve understood you lot are pretty popular and that popularity is only rising.”

Niall gulped and lowered his head. “We’ll create a formation around you,” Zayn said determent. “Like, Louis and Liam could walk in front and Harry and I’ll round up behind you. No matter what we’ve got your back.”

“Thanks,” Niall said, although it sounded a lot closer to ‘tanks’. He looked up when he a felt his hand being covered by someone else and smiled when he recognized the hand to be Harry’s. The youngest member gave a smile and a squeeze in return, before he refocused his attention on the road.

Five minutes alter the car came to a stop in front of a shop. “Ready to go shopping for the first time as celebrities?” the driver asked.

“Totally,” Louis said with a smirk. He looked towards the other boys, his grin widening. “Let’s do this.” And with that he opened the car door and the five One Direction members were blinded by paparazzi’s’ bright camera lights.

 

\--

 

One Direction smashed it on their third week. They sang _Nobody Knows_ by Pink, which they all had thought was a perfect fit, considering the fact that they all had secrets. Secret only _they_ knew about each other. Even with the stressful change of song, they still managed to perform even better than they’d ever done before, blowing the competition away.

John Adeleye was eliminated.

None of the boys were sad about this fact; not that they didn’t like John, but it was a relief than it wasn’t another group this time.

Simon Cowell clapped as his two remaining acts made it through elimination day. He was proud, of course he was. Belle Amie had sung their hearts out, of course they had a few pitch mistakes and their harmonies weren’t perfect just yet, but neither was the One Direction boys’. However, Simon saw something in them, something rare and beautiful. He saw an innocence and a spark, something pulling the attention, both bad and good, in their direction. They could go far. He let his eyes fall on each boy separately.

Liam had a strong voice, pure and vibrant. A voice he knew he could always trust in delivering a perfect performance. However, he could also sense a need to please, which was a good thing in most cases. He just hoped that no one would use it against him.

Zayn had a unique voice; he could really hit those high notes and he had an in-depth that was astonishing, although his confidence and stage presence needed work.

Niall was a people puller; he could turn even the most hateful man into loving fluffy pink boas by just snapping his long fingers. He could sing, of course he could, but none could sing like Liam.

Louis was the leader, no doubt about it. Not overly confident in his singing voice, the young lad used his brain and his wit to convert any messages to the audience. He could play the innocent card, and then he could be a sassy motherfucker. Simon loved that about him, but he also knew that he had to keep an eye on him. However much he enjoyed that side of the boy, it could potentially bring them trouble.

And then there was Harry. He couldn’t figure him out. What he did know, however, was that the boy could sing like no other. His raspy voice and his sorrowful eyes spoke to people, told them that he’d been through hell and back and now he was standing here, on the X Factor stage, singing his heart out. If he could survive then so could anyone else.

Simon only wished he knew what it was that the young boy had survived. And therefore, once both Belle Amie and surprisingly One Direction left the building to celebrate yet another none-elimination, Simon pulled his assistant Jake aside.

“Anything on the Styles kid?”

Jake pressed his lips together and fumbled with a stack of papers. Flickering through them, he finally ‘aha’d and pulled out a paper. “Not much, Sir. From Holmes Chapel, born 1994. Son of Alice Cox and Owen Twist, brother of Erin Styles.”

“Cox and Twist? No Styles?”

Both men paused. Then, Jake looked up with a determined expression. “On it, Sir.” And with that, Jake the headset guy turned on his heels and rushed out of the office.

He had a phone call to make.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay - I don't know if any of you've noticed but I've changed One Direction's family members' names. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you see anywhere where I've used their original names, please let me know so I can change it. Also, a huge thank you to LEW for pointing out my title error! :)
> 
> Enjoy!

**Total Eclipse of my Heart**

It was Monday morning when something extraordinary happened. For the first time since, well forever, Zayn woke up before the four other lads. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, rolled over and lifted his mobile phone.

Five:thirtythree

 _Shit_ , he thought to himself and let out an inaudible yawn. Last night they’d went out partying with the rest of the contestants; however he, Harry and Liam had cut the night short. It had been a surprise to Zayn, Liam and Niall when Louis decided to stay out a bit longer. Harry had merely shrugged and told him not to drink too much, before he’d turned on his heels and followed Zayn and Liam out the door. 

And the boy _had_ seemed fine the drive home; he’d been humming along to the songs played on the radio, even smiled once at Liam. Everything had seemed all right, until the young lad had crawled into his bed. Liam hadn’t been asleep for ten minutes when whimpers had brought him out of his light slumber. Having seen Louis do it multiple times, Liam crawled out of bed and into Harry’s. 

Big mistake. 

Harry seemed to sense that the body behind him was definitely _not_ Louis’, and promptly he’d started to squeal, thrash about and screech continuous mumbles of _no_ and _stop_. Mid-panic Liam wrapped his arms around Harry’s, keeping them firmly planted against his body. 

“Ssh ssh,” he whispered into the younger lad’s ear. He hoped that it came out soothingly, but Liam could not be sure. “Harry, it’s okay now.” 

Harry, however, did not react to the spoken words and Liam couldn’t help but wonder how Louis managed to do this. Every night. Harry’s moans intensified, and he seemed to have started shaking as well.

It was overwhelming, really. With Harry’s body this close to his, Liam could almost feel the fear radiating from the younger boy. Fear was not even word enough to explain the amount of emotion seeping through Harry; terror, fright, panic, horror – those were all words more suitable. Liam didn’t even know he’d started crying until he found himself sniffling. 

“Shit Harry,” he whispered to no-one in particular, slowly letting go with one hand to reach up and wipe away a few tears.

He turned his head when he heard a soft knock. “Hi,” Mary Byrne whispered. Liam could only see the outline of her shape, but the voice gave her away. And the fact that she was the only one except for him, Harry and Zayn who’d opted to leave early. 

“Hey,” Liam whispered back, winching as his voice cracked. His arms tightened around Harry’s torso, as the boy still struggled in his hold, however much weaker than before. 

Gesturing towards Harry, she asked in a sympathetic voice only a mother knows how to use, “nightmare?”

Liam nodded, “gets them almost every night.”

“I know,” the woman replied. “The walls aren’t very thick you know.” She took a few timid steps into the boys’ room, eyes still trained on Harry. “What do you normally do?”

Liam too looked at Harry. “I don’t know,” he said with sadness in his voice. “Normally Louis’ the one handling this.” 

“What happened to him,” Mary finally asked after a few minutes of silence. She tore her eyes from Harry and looked towards Liam.

The young boy exhaled deeply, his lips pressed tight together. “I don’t know.” And he honestly didn’t. “But something terrible I think.” The two had stayed by Harry’s bed for a few minutes, before Mary had announced that she was heading back to bed. Liam had bid her goodnight, contemplating on what he should do before finally deciding that sleep probably was the best decision. If Harry needed him, his whimpers would probably wake him up. Although Liam secretly hoped that Louis would be home by then. 

Louis and Niall had arrived home some time around three in the morning. Thus Zayn shouldn’t be as surprised as he was to be the first one to wake. He sat up in his bed and looked around. His eyes landed on the two sleeping forms on the single bed and a smile rose on his lips. 

Louis had climbed into Harry’s bed when he’d tumbled through the doors. They looked very content; Harry had his nose pressed against Louis’ collarbone, who in returned had his own nose nuzzled into Harry’s wild curls. 

Running his fingers through his hair, Zayn finally made his way out of bed with the thought that _I fucking need a smoke._ He grabbed his pack of cigs from his nightstand and made his way downstairs. 

The first drag felt liberating, and Zayn couldn’t help the small moan erupting from his throat. “God, _yes_.”

“You know,” a voice said from behind him and Zayn jumped a few centimetres into the air. “Smoking can and _will_ kill you.”

“I know,” Zayn acknowledged the boy with a nod. “But so can so many other things. It’s equally dangerous just to walk out your front door each day.”

Harry hummed, “maybe,” before taking the final step outside and closing the door behind him. “You’re up early.” 

“Indeed,” Zayn said with his lips around the cig. 

“Why?” 

Zayn shrugged, enjoying the burning sensation in his lungs. “Dunno,” he said and breathed out. “Couldn’t sleep.” 

“Yeah. Me neither.” 

“’nother nightmare?”

Wrapping his arms around his torso, both from the cold but also from feeling slightly uncomfortable, Harry shook his head. “No.” 

A couple of minutes passed by where the two lads didn’t speak. Had it been anyone else, Zayn would’ve felt slightly uncomfortable from the silence, but this was Harry. Harry was different. Harry’s silence spoke more volumes than most words could ever formulate. And it was soothing, knowing that Harry was finally comfortable enough to be alone with Zayn. Sure, they’d been alone before, but those times Zayn had initiated it. This time, Harry came to him. After inhaling the last of the toxic smoke from his cig, Zayn threw it on the ground and stomped on it. Licking his lips, he blurted out “I kissed Geneva last night.” 

Harry blinked. “From Belle Amie.” 

“Yes. I just, we’ve been kind of flirting for a while, yeah? And I guess, last night we took it a step further.” Harry nodded his encouragement for Zayn to continue. “It’s just, I’m afraid, yeah? Of like, taking it a step further. And it’s so awkward talking to the other lads about it because they’ve all done stuff, sex yeah, and like I’m a virgin. But it’s nice talking to you about it.” 

Frowning, Harry bit his lip. “I’m not, though.”

“Not what?” Zayn asked, caught off guard by Harry interrupting him.

“A virgin. I’m not.”

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, raising an eyebrow. _Didn’t see that one coming._ “I just assu- you know what, I’m sorry for assuming.” 

Shaking his head, “no no, it’s fine,” Harry said quickly. 

“Then it’s just me then I guess. Only virgin in the house.”

Shrugging, Harry looked slightly sheepish. “I wouldn’t be so sure about it.” 

“Yeah?” Zayn asked, sounding relieved. Somehow this information gave him hope. He’d been so nervous confessing to his inexperience during the pre-live show days when they’d all shared their secrets, and Zayn had just assumed that when he’d confessed and no one said anything, it had indicated that he was the only one. Well, he’d assumed Harry was a virgin as well, and the fact that Harry hadn’t said anything he’d put down to be due to the fact that he’d been so quiet and shy back then, but neither Niall nor Liam had commented on it. 

Harry smiled. “Yeah.”

 

\--

Two hours later, Zayn was found kissing Geneva in the living room.

\--

 

Once again they were crammed into a small minivan, going slower than walking speed. From all angles the car was met with screaming girls, holding posters and cameras against the windows, banging and screaming for the boys. It was exciting. And scary. But mostly exciting. 

“Bloody hell,” Liam gasped when a girl pressed her face against the glass, kissing it and screaming as she pulled away. The kiss left a mark. A red _fucking_ mark. “Just look at this, boys.”

“Its crazy, innit,” Louis said in complete awe. He was sat near the other window, Harry placed between him and Liam while Niall and Zayn sat opposite them. “Just look at all these girls.” 

Niall smirked, “bet you’re wishing some of them girls were boys.” 

Louis fake-huffed, bashing his eyelashes. “I don’t have to wish. I _know_ I’ve got boys screaming for me. They’re just.. ehm, hiding.” 

Harry and Niall snickered, exchanging glances between the two at Louis words. 

“I feels like we’re going to wake up tomorrow, that this was all just a dream,” Liam spoke, still with his eyes trained upon the hundreds of girls currently slowing down their ride. “I’m serious, if I wake up tomorrow to my mum telling me to get up and go to school, then I’ll fucking break down in tears.” 

“No Liam, don’t even say such words,” whined Niall, covering his ears. “I will blame you if it’s true!" 

Not long after the car came to a stop. “Alright boys,” their driver said, turning around to face the five lads. “Good luck in rehearsals.”

“Thanks Vic,” they all cried in unison, jumping out of the car into the roaring cries of their fans. _Fans_. Oh how their lives has changed.

 

\--

 

Friday night found Liam sitting on the beanbag by himself. Most of the other contestants had gone to sleep. He knew Matt Cardle was still awake by the soft tunes coming from down the hall and Wagner was probably also still awake. He wasn’t sure thought, but most likely. With a shaking thumb he scrolled down. Every now and then he’d stop the scrolling and read the comments. Some were positive, in fact most were. Some were less pleasant. 

One tweet caught his eyes. It was from a _friend_ back home. Maybe friend was a strong term. A classmate. Or merely a person who’s been in the same class as him during middle school. He frowned. 

_Your still a nobody_

He could feel his heart break a tiny bit and bile rise in his throat. Somehow he’d expected things to change in here. In the X factor house. In One Direction. And for the most part it had. He now had four best friends, four brothers. He had fans and encouragement and he was living the dream. His dream. But, negative comments still hurt. And they were still there. 

He continued reading more comments.

 

_No one likes you_

_I looove ONE Direction <33 Harry is such a cutie ^^_

_Y does Liam always sng? Hes stealing my favs spotlite – I luv U Louis!_

_Does Liam Payne thnk hes da new Justin Bieber?!?_

_You were a nobody then and your still nobody now – just die already!_

 

He was startled when he felt the beanbag dip a bit. “What’re you looking at?” 

Liam gave Louis a soft smile, but closed twitter down none-the-less. “Nothing.”

“Really?” Louis didn’t look convinced. “You’ve got tears in your eyes. I’m guessing you’re going to excuse them by saying something stupid like ‘allergies’.” 

Liam sniffled, but couldn’t help his smile. “I really am allergic.” 

“To what,” Louis bumped Liam with his shoulder, “allergic to your mobile? Come on now,” his voice got a little more serious. “Where you looking at tweets?” 

A pregnant pause filled the room. “Maybe.” 

Louis sighed, “Liam. You shouldn’t do this to yourself.” 

“I can’t help it. I just.. why do people hate me?” 

“They don’t,” Louis said, furrowing his brows as he tired to reach for Liam’s mobile phone. The younger lad, however, wouldn’t give it to him and turned his entire body to shield his phone from Louis’ reaching grasp. Louis finally gave up and leaned back against the beanbag. 

Liam also got comfortable. “I just wished that people would finally start liking me.”

“They do,” Louis protested. 

“You don’t.” 

Louis paused. “I-“ he said, but didn’t continue for a few seconds. “I do. It’s just that we’re very different persons. Our personalities, they clash. But I don’t dislike you. You’re my friend, and I don’t consider you any less than any of the other lads.” 

“Even Harry?” Liam smirked with a knowing look in his eyes. 

“Weeeell,” Louis said. He didn’t have to say anything else. They both knew it. Everyone knew it; everyone knew that Louis would put his life on hold for the youngest contestant. 

“Sometimes I get so jealous of him, you know,” Liam said. 

“Of Harry?”

Liam turned slightly towards Louis, placing his one leg underneath his other and resting his head on the beanbag. “He’s got this charm. Everyone seems to just _love_ him.”

“They do,” Louis agreed, because that was the truth. Harry was slowly but surely becoming the most popular band member, and Louis couldn’t care less. Harry deserved it, or at least that was what Louis thought. But then again, he might be biased. This was Harry they were talking about and Harry meant everything to him. 

_Shit._

His crush really was growing. 

“I sometimes wished I was him.” 

Louis bit his lip. “Don’t,” he said. “Don’t wish to be someone else but yourself. You’re amazing as you are right now Liam. If people cannot accept you for being you, then they don’t deserve you.” 

“I know,” Liam said and he meant to continue, but Louis beat him to it. 

“Also. Don’t wish to be Harry. He might charm the pants off everyone, but I don’t think his life’s been very easy. I don’t know what’s happened to him, and quite honestly I’m not sure I want to know.” 

“Why?” 

Inhaling deeply, Louis closed his eyes. He couldn’t even imagine what Harry could’ve gone through, and he told Liam such. “I don’t think I could handle it. Whatever _it_ is. My point is that you shouldn’t envy someone else for having what you don’t. And you should especially not wish to _be_ someone else, unless you know everything they’ve gone through.”

“I guess,” Liam said, looking down in his lap. He snorted slightly, looking back up at Louis. “When the fuck did you get so smart?”

Louis laughed, “haven’t we been through this before, _Payno._ I am the most inteeligent member of this band and you should all follow my lead. Because I am a leader. An intelligent leader.” 

“No. I am quite sure that this is the first intelligent thing you’ve ever said, _Tommo._ ”

 

\--

 

They smashed it on the live shows. No surprise there, really.

 

\--

 

Simon Cowell was scowling. He’d lost his third act, and although he knew it was bound to happen, it still came as a surprise to the man. He’d hoped he could cling on to his two acts for a bit longer, but then again – with no Belle Amie, he could finally focus all of his attention on One Direction. 

Which he’d done anyway, but now he didn’t have to deny it anymore. 

He looked up when he heard a knock. “Come in.” 

Jake the headset guy peaked from behind the door. “You busy?” 

Shuffling his papers to the side, Simon shook his head. “No, come in. Take a seat.” Jake did as he was told and took a seat in the chair in front of Simon’s table. The grey haired music mentor leaned forth, resting his crossed arms on the table. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Remember when you asked me to look into the Styles-Cox-Twist relationship?” 

Simon’s attention was caught. “Yes.”

“Well,” Jake said, pulling out a paper from his file. He hurriedly let his eyes cross down the many lines of words, until he reached what he was looking for. “Turns out that Owen Twist is _not_ Harry’s biological father.” 

“Really?” Simon leaned back in his chair. It felt so wrong to be doing this, digging through Harry’s personal life. But he needed to know his background story. And he told himself that he was doing this because it was what was best for the band. Not because he was a curious man. Not at all. 

No. 

Jake nodded. “Yes, Owen adopted Harry two years ago, well, he adopted both Harry and his sister, but they didn’t change their last names as their biological father did not approve of this.” 

“And their biological father, who is he?” 

Jake paused, once again searching through the papers. “Marcus Styles,” he said after a minute.

“Why were we not informed of this? Not that it matters, but why were we given the information that Owen Twist was Harry’s father?”

“Maybe because he adopted him, or because Harry views him as his father,” Jake said, finally pulling out a last file from his stack of papers. “Or maybe because their biological father is in prison.” 

Simon drew in a gasp. “Prison?” he said. “What for?” 

“I don’t know. The file said _confidential._ I could look into it if you want? I’ve got… _contacts._ ”

Simon hesitated. This was wrong. So wrong on so many levels. This was beyond what he should do as a mentor for the band. Whatever lay in Harry’s past was in the _past_. It shouldn’t affect the band. But he was curious, bloody hell he’d admit it – he was a curious fuck and he wanted to know. _Needed_ to know, for his own bloody sake. And thus he nodded his head. “Yes. Find out why Harry Styles’ father is in jail.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Kids in** **America**

It was Monday morning and Zayn was pouting. The Bradford boy dragged his feet behind him wherever he went, moaning that the house was _so_ quiet now that Belle Amie was no longer there. 

“But her lips,” he gushed. “Her plump lips. I miss those the most.” 

Louis snickered, biting into his plain toast. “If that’s what you miss the most about her then your love wasn’t true. Sorry to break it to you, but it’s time to get over it. You snogged her once.” 

Zayn ignored him. “No. Her eyes. Definitely her eyes.” 

“I swear to god,” Louis whispered, leaning in towards Harry who was sat right next to him. “If he continues this for the entire week I will whack him a new one.” 

“Just don’t hurt him _too_ bad,” a voice interjected from the other side of Louis. The oldest member raised his eyebrows at Liam, irking him to continue. Liam did. “We still need his voice for Saturday.” 

Snorting, Louis swallowed the piece of toast he had been chewing on. “Please, you don’t need us anyway. You’ll do all of the four verses by yourself and we’ll sway behind you as a good little boys’ quire. Besides, I promise I’d only hurt him in places that aren’t his vocal cords.” 

“Or his lungs, Tommo. He need his lungs for his echoing,” Liam teased back, winking as he did so. 

Zayn frowned, muttering something incomprehensible as he poured hot water into his cup, craving his normal morning tea. Harry finished his last spoon of yoghurt, hopping down from the chair he was sat on. “See you,” he muttered softly, sending a smile in Louis’ direction and a nod towards Zayn and Liam. 

“Sure thing, love,” Louis replied, “send your mum our love, yeah?” 

Harry looked over his shoulder, “will do.” And with that, he quickly retrieved up the stairs to hide away in their shared bedroom. This was his routine every morning; right after breakfast the young lad would call his mother. It didn’t matter if he’d had a nightmare the night before, or if he’d won over Niall playing FIFA. Calling Alice was a must. The blue-eyed teenager sighed heavily, before turning his attention back towards his toast. It suddenly didn’t look as appetising as previously. 

“You know,” Zayn said, sitting down on the chair previously occupied by Harry. “I’m not the only one in love.” 

Louis frowned. “What are you on about?”

“We see the way you look at him.” 

Louis hesitated, “and again. What?” 

“Zayn’s right,” Liam stated from Louis’ left. “It’s as obvious as the sky is blue. You’re infatuated with Harry.” 

“I am not, thank you _very_ much. Such rubbish to say. I am not in love with Harry.” 

“Who’s in love with Harry?” Niall asked, entering the kitchen. 

Zayn swallowed a huge mouthful of hot tea, “Louis.” 

“Aah,” replied the Irish one, hopping up to sit on the kitchen counter. The boys were alone in the X factor house this morning. The Girls where having a girls’ day out, shopping and what not, while Dannii Minogue had taken the boys out for brunch. Mary was meeting up with her children, not being able to go this long without seeing them properly and only God knows where Wagner went. The only thing the One Direction lads knew was the fact that he was _not_ in the house. They would’ve heard him if that had been the case. 

“I am not in love with him you guys,” protested Louis, finally finishing his toast. The bread felt dry as it went through his throat, finally settling in his stomach. To ease the burn he took a gulp of milk. “Besides,” he continued, before any of the other boys could say something. “Harry’s not gay.” 

Niall hummed, “he said so?” 

“Yes. I asked him a few weeks ago. Told me he wasn’t gay. And that, my fellow directions, is the end of _that_ love story.” 

“Wait,” Zayn interjected, “so he’s straight?” 

“Yeah.”

Zayn frowned. “He told you that? He told you ‘I am straight’? In those exact words?” 

“Well, maybe not those exact words, but I asked him and he said that he definitely wasn’t gay.” 

“But he could still be bi. Or pan. Doesn’t mean that he’s necessarily only into girls,” Liam cut in. He stretched his arms into the air, flexing them as he yawned loudly. Moaning softly as his joins popped into place, he continued. “Just saying this because of the eyes he’s sending you.”

“What eyes?” 

“ _The_ eyes,” Niall grinned. “The same fucking heart eyes you send him. And the same eyes Zayn’s having when he’s gushing about Belle Amie.” 

Zayn sulked at his name and crush being mentioned, but chose not to commend on it. “I think what Liam is saying is that there’s a pretty big chance of him actually reciprocating your feelings.” 

Louis shook his head, “no you guys. Even if that was the case, I couldn’t picture myself with him. He’s just too.. innocent. He’s way too innocent.”

“I wouldn’t think so.” Louis turned towards Zayn with a raised eye brow, mumbling an ‘oh?’. “Yeah, shocked me as well, but the lad is definitely not as innocent as he looks. I didn’t question him a whole lot, but he told me that he wasn’t a virgin.”

At this both Liam and Niall looked slightly shocked as well. “So,” Louis coughed, shifting about uncomfortably on his chair. Talking about Harry’s potential sex life was _not_ something he was interested in. Well, maybe a little bit. But not when the possibility that said sex life involved girls. Then no thanks. “The weather.”

 

\--

 

Jake the Headset guy knocked on the closed white-painted door, waiting patiently before hearing a soft ‘come in’. The last couple of weeks this had been a routine; going back and forth between Simon Cowell’s office. The previous times he’d brought him mediocre news, border lining _no_ news. This time, however, Jake was _sure_ Mr. Cowell would enjoy what he’d found. He’d dug deep, his friend Josh helping him to do so – oh, how Jake loved being best mates with a hacker. 

Swiftly, Jake took a grip around the door handle, twisting it open and entered the office. Simon Cowell looked up, “ah,” he let out. “Jake. What can I do for you?” 

“I think I’m close to cracking the code, Mr. Cowell,” answered Jake, taking three hasty steps into the office. “Actually, I think I’ve cracked it.” He stopped right behind one of Simon’s chairs, waiting for the music guru to give him permission. With one of Simon’s usual hand-gestures, the permission was given and Jake quickly sat down on the chair. Without being prompted further, he placed his folder on the table, spreading out papers across the wooden surface. “I had J- my _source_ dug a little deeper into the Cheshire Police Departments dusty dirty corners and he found a confidential file in regards to Mr. Styles.” 

Simon’s ears peaked at this. Leaning forth, he braided his fingers together, “I’m listening.”

“Well, he managed to crack it open, right, and I shit you not-“

“Language.”

“Yeah yeah,” Jake waved him off, continuing to show Simon what he’d found. The elder’s eyes widened as they scanned across the confidential file, gasping a few times. Jake smiled at this reaction, grinning as his own eyes fell to the words below. “Good shit, yeah? My source is fucking ace, I’m telling ya.”

Simon didn’t speak for a while, too engulfed and too shocked with what he read. This certainly explained a few things about Harry Styles. Nodding his head in almost disbelief, Simon leaned back, resting against the back of the chair. _  
_

Licking his lips, Simon nodded his head again. “Jake, thank you.” He could hear his voice trembling as he spoke. He could feel his hands shaking. “Please, don’t dig more into this mess. I’ve got what I needed.” 

_And a little more_ , he added mentally. 

Jake gathered the papers, muttering a soft goodbye, before he exited the room as quickly as he’d entered it.

 

\--

 

Niall was less than ecstatic when Savan for the fourth time in just twenty minutes pinched the bridge of his nose. The Irish lad glanced over towards Louis, who merely shrugged and gestured for Niall to continue with his solo. 

Wrong move, apparently. 

“No no no,” Savan said, finally getting up. He held his hands up, pointing for the music to be stopped as well, as he closed in on One Direction. “Niall, remember what we talked about. You’ve got to let the words _flow_ or you’ll sound like a salami chopper.”

Niall’s eyes widened, a thin layer of water dazing over his eyes. “Right,” he mumbled in a whisper, hunching his shoulders a tad. 

Brian, who’d also been present for the rehearsal, jumped up on the stage to join Savan. “Maybe less hand gestures as well, it’s a bit distracting.” He glanced over the boys, stopping when he reached the young boy with jet-black hair. “Zayn,” he sighed and immediately the second oldest froze. He knew what was coming. “You’re the act with the fewest choreographed dance moves and yet you manage to mess it up. You’re merely to _follow_ the other boys, not lead them – how is it possible for you to turn the wrong way _three_ times?” 

Shrugging, “I don’t know,” Zayn shied away from the scolding. Subconsciously, Harry did the same and the two lads bumped into each other behind Louis, who in return stood proud in his place. 

“Why don’t you just _back the fuck off_ ,” he growled, sensing the discomfort of the other boys. He could feel Liam’s hand on his biceps, urging him to stop his ranting now, but Louis would have none of it. “We’ve been here for _hours_ on end, practicing without a break. We’re not doing this to piss you off; we’re exhausted and we’re going to mess up. That’s just how i-“

“Yes, you’ve been here for hours. Mary, Cher, Wagner,” Savan put his hand up, pointing to each act as he went over them, “they’re all waiting for _their_ turn with us and you’re taking up their time. So, how about we go through this song _one_ more time where you don’t mess it up?” 

Louis frowned, crossing his arms across his chest. His chest heaved, wheezing as he did so. Once again he felt the tuck of Liam on his arm, “please,” he whispered into his ear, “let’s no antagonize them.” 

Louis paused. All the words he wanted to throw at them, arguments, slurs and angry growling sounds, were held back as he bit his tongue. “Fine.” 

Liam nodded his thank you, and looked over towards the coaches. “Give us fifteen minutes to just recharge and we’ll go through the song one last time. Error free, I promise.” 

Savan threw his hands up in the air in a ‘I give up’ motion, while Brian nodded his head in agreement. “I could do with some coffee anyway.” 

“Great,” Liam said and turned to his four band mates. “We can do this,” he encouraged, placing his arms around Zayn and Niall’ necks, bringing them closer. “It’s Friday and our last chance to go through this before dress rehearsal tomorrow.” 

Niall anxiously bit down on his thumb; he held his right hand with his left, his eyes darting from member to member, before he let out a whimper. “Liam, take my solos. Please, I can’t do it.”

“Shut up, Niall,” growled Louis. He didn’t want to frighten or terrorize Niall even further, but it had been a long day and he’d promised his mum he’d call her before the twins were put to bed. “You’re singing your solos and that’s that. No one wants to hear Liam sing anymore than necessary. No offence, Payno.” 

“None taken.” 

Louis continued. “Simon gave you that solo because he believes in you. Savan knows fuck,” he glanced over towards Zayn, “and neither does Brian. We’re under pressure from their fucking hawk eyes all the time and if they’d loosen their leash a bit I’m sure we’d be the fucking greatest band this show has ever seen. Fuck, we’ll be better than the Backstreet Boys.”

“No way,” Niall said, but finally a grin was spread across his features.

“Yes fucking way, Niall,” Louis grinned back. “We’re a killer act. No one can drag us down, not even a dipshit like Savan or a cockhead like Brian.” And okay, normally both Brian and Savan were relatively nice guys, getting along with all five boys. But Louis was exhausted and he just wanted to lay back down, snuggle close against the back of Harry and listen to the youngest hum along to the music from his iPod. 

Liam, who’d usually scold Louis from his choice of words, nodded his head. “He’s right. Not about the name-calling, but about us. We know we can do this; we’ve all seen and _heard_ the hoards of girls calling our names both on the streets and in the audience. They believe in us, and so should we.” 

“You’re right,” Niall laughed. “We’ve never messed up our performances-“ he paused, his mouth forming a soft ‘o’. “If you don’t count that first time, but you brought me back on the right track,” he send Liam a grateful smile and Liam told him that he’d do it all over again tomorrow night if needed. “Let’s go show Savan and Brian that no one messes with Niall and the Potatoes.”

“Also known as One Direction,” commented Harry from behind them. Only a few seconds of silent shock could be heard, before they all broke into uncontrolled laughter.

 

\--

Harry had gone through the entire week without a single nightmare, and thus without having a single wetting accident.

\--

 

Louis rested his arm around Harry’s shoulders, leaning his head on top of the younger lad’s curly mess. After an entire day’s anxiety and nervous twitches, they could both exhale in relief. 

They’d made it through yet another live show. 

The other three lads were all gathered around the two of them; all equally relieved, and also equally tired. For some reason they’d been far more anxious this time than the many previous weeks of live shows. It had almost felt like their first ever live performance. 

Harry’s eyes had a hard time staying open and he soon found himself surrendering to the land of sleep. Louis noticed this of course; he always noticed everything the younger Cheshire boy did. He padded Zayn softly on the shoulder and when the boy looked over at Louis, the oldest one motioned towards Harry. 

Zayn grinned, “sleeping like a baby,” he commented, before he himself rested his head on top of Liam’s shoulder. It was amazing, really – how close the five of them had already become. They came from five different families with different backgrounds, interests and whatnot, and yet they managed to complement each other so well. 

It was almost as if it was meant to be. 

Zayn looked back over towards Harry and Louis, observing the two of them quietly. Louis was always so very gentle with Harry. Zayn focused his attention on the younger lad. Harry had come such a far way in such a short time. When they’d first met him, he was quiet, shy and rarely spoke to anyone other than Louis. Now Harry was finally breaking out of his shell; turned out the quiet boy from Holmes Chapel was actually pretty talkative. 

Who’d have known!? 

It brought a smile to Zayn’s lips when he felt Liam’s arm wrap around Zayn’s smaller frame, pulling him closer. He too closed his eyes, letting the pressure of the day tinge him down until soft snores left his lips. It wasn’t long before all five of them were fast asleep in the living room of the X Factor House. 

They were all excited as to what the next week would bring. Hopefully another survival of the eliminations.

 

\--

 

“Please, enter,” Simon called. It was later that Sunday, and Simon not wanting to waste a single minute when it came to his beloved act, had gathered in his office to plan for the next week. His hopes were high; Elton John week was something he’d been looking forward to ever since they’d decided for it as a theme, and he already had a fairly good idea as to which song he’d choose for the boys. He was shocked when he saw Jake the Headset guy enter his office. “Jake. Please, do come on.” 

Jake’s smile widened comically wide as he sat down on the chair he’d occupied so many times before. In his hand was a computer, which he placed on the table in front of Simon. “You’ll want to watch this.” 

“Is this about the Styles’ again?” frowned Simon.

Jake nodded his head, ignoring the stern look on the elder’s face. “This is just the best thing ever. I mean, those papers and interview out-takes were amazing, but this… this is another league.” 

“I thought I’d told you that we weren’t to continue this investigation any further. I’ve got what I needed, now please stop this before anyone gets hurt.” 

Jake paused his actions, his hand hovering over the keyboard. He worked his source hard and long to find this goldmine, and Simon seemed to just not give two shits. Taking deep breaths trying to control his anger, Jake smacked his computer closed. “Fine,” he said, getting up. Without further a due, he turned around and left the office.

Simon looked at the back of Jake as his assistant left his office. He thought nothing of it, but his actions that night were to change _everything._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I always am, I am very nervous about this chapter. But this time I am probably more nervous than ever. Please be 'gentle' with your reviews (haha) and don't hate me all too much. Enjoy!
> 
> Also, I wanted to personally just thank everyone who's ever send me kudos or reviewed or just read the story. It means a LOT!
> 
> Lastly, I am writing a new story at the moment, but I was curious: how interested would you guys be in an OT5 romantic story? Let me know!

**The Way You Look Tonight**

The week went by almost as quick as all the other weeks. They were busy, perhaps more busy than they’d been previously. With one less act, the remaining acts all got more time to rehearse and train their vocals. Simon, especially, was working them extra hard. 

“I can almost taste it,” he told the group on Tuesday. “I can literally see you up there, winning this as the first group ever.”

Of course those words made the boys’ hearts burn with pride and passion. They wanted this as well. After the backlash the group had received after they proceeded to the live finals, they wanted to prove the public wrong. Just because they were a newly formed group of rejected solo artists, it didn’t mean that they couldn’t succeed. That they didn’t deserve it just as much as any other group. But mainly, they really just wanted to win. 

They were all sore losers.

Simon had kept praising the boys’ last performance. Telling them how it was evident that they’d progressed as a group, how there was a definite future for them in the music branch. They balled ideas back and forth, before Simon had turned to their youngest.

“I would like for you, Harry, to have a solo this week.”

Harry’s eyes widened comically big at those words. “M-me?” he stuttered. He was currently sat in between Louis and Niall, with a warm blanket wrapped around him securely. “Are you sure?”

Simon nodded his head. “Of course I’m sure.” _Maybe it’s sympathy_ , he thought to himself. What Jake had shown him had disturbed him to say the very least. But it had also made his heart ache for the young boy, and he wanted to protect him. Give him the world. And he started doing so by giving him his first solo in the live shows. “It’s Elton John week, and I think your voice will go fantastic with the song I’ve picked out for you.”

And thus it was decided that Harry was to have his first live show solo that week. The young curly haired boy couldn’t be happier. He’d immediately phoned his mother, telling her the great news. She’d laughed along with his happiness, telling him how proud she was and how amazing she was sure he was going to be.

And he surely was amazing. During rehearsals he sounded fantastic. His voice brought something else none of the other four lads had. That was what was so amazing about the five of them. They all had something the other four were missing.

 

\--

 

For the second week in a row, Harry didn’t have any nightmares. He was sure it was all Louis’ doing. Louis kept him safe. Louis would protect him. Louis would _never_ hurt him. He trusted Louis.

 

\--

 

“You’re doing it again,” Niall said. His words came out a little deranged due to the lolly currently located between his lips. The two boys were playing FIFA; a pastime Louis and Niall enjoyed doing together. They were the most sports-obsessed out of the group after all.

Louis shook his head and looked at the blond boy in confusion. “Doing what?”

“Staring.” Niall didn’t move his eyes from the screen, and while speaking his fingers move over the remote’s buttons without missing a beat.

A small sense of heat rose up inside Louis and he quickly sent one last glance towards the corner of the living room where Harry was sat with a book in his lap, music in his ears and a cuppa next to him, before he turned his attention back to the screen. “Am I really that obvious?” he asked after a minute.

“A little,” Niall said with a shrug. He pressed pause, and put the controller down. Louis followed him and placed his own next to Niall’s on the coffee table. “You’re obvious to us, the rest of the acts. Matt has mentioned it a few times, Mary too. But I don’t think Harry suspects anything.”

Louis nibbled his lower lips between his teeth. He shook his head, rearranging his fringe a bit, but stopped mid-action. This was _Harry’s_ thing. He always shook his head to tussle his fringe. “I just..” he looked over his shoulder.

“Talk to him about it, yeah?”

Louis frowned, averting his eyes to his fingers in his laps. He kept fibbing with the edge of his shirt. “I don’t want to get my hopes up if it turns out he’s not into me.”

“Dude, I’m telling you right now, he’s into you.”

“But, what if he’s _not_? Besides, I couldn’t do it to the band.”

Niall shook his head, but leaned forward to pick up his controller once more. “Don’t worry about the band, mate. It’s okay – I’ve discussed it with Liam and Zayn, we’re all cool of you end up humping each other.”

“You,” Louis said, not yet picking up his own controller. “You talk about me and Harry without us?”

“Of course we do,” was the nonchalant answer. “We’ve even come up with your relationship name.”

Louis was impressed. As the game was turned back on, he turned towards Niall. “What is it then? Our relationship name?” Niall smirked.

“Houis.”

 

\--

 

Louis didn’t talk to Harry that week about his feelings. But he swore that he would the following week, not matter how it went on Sunday.

 

\--

 

Jake frowned into his coffee cup as he sat down in his small apartment. He was fuming; furious and frustrated. How fucking _dare_ Simon just dismiss his hard work like that? He’d spend hours pressing his source to find the information he did and then Simon just threw it back in his fucking face?!

“I’ll fucking show him,” he muttered, saving the files in a folder.

_H.E. Styles – case no# 107029_

A small smile formed on his none-existent lips as an idea popped up. He knew exactly how to get his revenge. How to fucking show Simon Cowell not to underappreciate Jake Johnson’s abilities and hard work. “Oh, I’ll show him.”

He opened up a new tap on the computer and searched for his wanted destination. Clicking on the little letter folder, he started writing the email.

 

\--

 

Just like that Harry was back to his old self. He was quiet, almost paralyzed with fear and trembling with nerves. They were stood behind the famous X factor door, soon to be revealed to the public. He’d stood there a dozen times before, but not with a pending solo performance. They’d rehearsed constantly, but that didn’t do anything to help Harry battling his anxiety.

Louis came up behind him, giving him a sideway-hug. “You’ll do fine, Hazza.”

“I-“

“Scratch that. You’ll put on the performance of your life out there. You’re perfect.”

Harry’s almost invisible Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard. “What if I forget the lyrics?” he asked in a soft voice. He looked up at Louis, with big round eyes, searching for an answer in Louis’ own eyes.

The other boy merely shrugged. “Then you forget them. You could go out there and sing _twinkle twinkle little star_ and it’ll still be the most incredible performance of all times. Quit worrying so much.”

Harry gave Louis a soft smile, wrapping his own arm around the older lad’s waist. Leaning his head on Louis’ shoulder, he whispered a soft thank you.

Moments later an assistant came up to the group, “you’re up in forty,” she said. They could hear their weekly video start: they were talking about the Harry Potter premiere, meeting not only Daniel Radcliffe but Emma Watson as well. “Let’s get you all on stage.” They followed the assistant out on the stage and got into position on the heightened platforms. Just as the short introductory clip that followed the video started, the assistant gave the lads a final smile. “Ten seconds guys.”

 

\--

 

The deafening screams that erupted as Harry started his solo would be forever imprinted in his temporal lobe.

 

\--

 

“You’re definitely getting another solo next week,” was the first thing Simon told Harry as he met them backstage. He gave all five boys a hug, but kept it very light with his youngest. Since the party at his house all those weeks ago, Harry had been wary of the older man and after everything that had been revealed, Simon now finally understood.

As Harry pulled away from the hug, he gave the older man a grin. _Finally_ , Simon thought. Maybe he was getting through to Harry. “We still have to make it through,” Harry told him, still a bit hesitantly.

“Oh you will,” Simon laughed. “Trust me.” He then finally turned to the rest of One Direction. “That performance was your best ever.”

Louis, Liam, Zayn and Harry all grinned hugely, however none had a bigger smile than Niall. “Thanks man,” he beamed happily.

“You say that every week though,” Louis contributed.

Simon nodded, because yes – he did say that every week. “But you’re progressing and it’s very clear with each performance as they each get better than the next.” He paused, suddenly with a very serious look. “I believe, and I say this only because I _truly_ do believe it, that you could potentially be a very successful band. Not just locally, but globally.”

“Really?” whispered Liam from behind Louis. He placed a hand over his mouth. This was his dream, what he’d always dreamt of. But hearing a mega music guru like Simon Cowell actually say those words was beyond anything he’d ever hoped for.

“Of course,” Simon said. “And I don’t say this to just anyone. I didn’t have the same faith in Diva Fever or Belle Amie, but you guys are different. The popularity you guys have had, right from the beginning, it’s unheard of so early in the competition.”

“You really believe in us?” Zayn asked. He looked so young and innocent right at that moment: like a child who’s heart would be broken if Simon was to tell him that _no, he was only joking.  
_

But Simon nodded his head and when he made eye contact with Zayn, he only displayed sincerity. “I truly believe in you. And I’ll do _anything_ to help you guys take over the world.”

 

\--

 

One Direction, unsurprisingly, made it through. What did come as a surprise was the eliminated act. 

Dermot told Aiden Grimshaw, a fan favourite, that his X Factor journey ended that night. It was tragic, but the public had spoken.

 

\--

 

They partied the entire evening away. Aiden wanted them all to come, and thus everyone did. He was the kind of person everyone just loved. Being the youngest, One Direction _“didn’t”_ drink, but if Aiden bought a beer for Louis, Niall and Zayn then no one said a word about it.

 

\--

 

It happened on a Monday. Harry woke before the other lads, but he kept lying in bed for another hour before finally deciding to get up. He tried to move over Louis steadily, but he ended up kneeing the older boy in the groin, consequently waking him up.

“Whe’yo goin’?” he asked groggily, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

Harry giggled softly, telling Louis was he wanted to go downstairs to eat breakfast. “I’ve been awake since seven.”

“You’re such a weirdo,” Louis told him a little more awake already. “Waking up so early on a fucking Monday. It’s our day off you know.”

Louis ended up following Harry out of bed however. They sneaked down into the kitchen, and Harry cooked them both breakfast. A full-on English breakfast with eggs, beans, tea and toast as well as everything else he could find and fry in the fridge. They were twittering to each other, just quietly talking amongst themselves.

Now would be the perfect time, Louis concluded. It was just them, most of the house wouldn’t be up for _hours_ and he had promised Niall (and himself) that he would talk to Harry. He was going to do it. He was going to tell Harry how he felt.

But fate had other things in mind.

Louis was just about to open his mouth, when they heard voices coming from the living room.

 _“… Harry Styles has been keeping an absolutely terrible secret from the public,”_ they heard a female voice speak. Harry was off his chair in one swift motion, and Louis was not far behind him. They hadn’t even heard Mary, Matt and Rebecca come down the stairs.

They were all staring at the TV screen as the news anchor continued. The image of her was quickly replaced with a picture of an email, before she was again displayed on the screen.

_“After having received an anonymous email regarding Harry Styles, the youngest member of the X Factor show’s One Direction, we decided to investigate the credibility of the documents we received. However, after obtaining the following video, there was no doubt about the authority.”_

The expression of the news anchor’s face suddenly turned very sullen.

_“Was Harry Styles molested by his father, Vincent Styles?”_

A soft gasp erupted in the living room. However, before anyone could react, the anchorwoman continued.

“ _Well, it does look like it. Our source found documents indicating that Vincent Styles was sentenced to ten years in prison for child molestation, charged with both penetration and other sexual activities of a minor. While Harry’s name is not mentioned in the official documents due to his young age, the video that followed sure does indicate that he was the sole victim. Viewer’s discretion is advised as the clip is both graphic and-”_

Louis didn’t wait to see the video. The young boy, who’d during the entire broadcasting had been standing beside him paralyzed, suddenly bolted and ran from the living room. The commotion caught the attention of the other adults in the room, who turned around just in time to see Harry dart out off the room. They all bore faces of shock and horror and sympathy and all other sorts of emotions, but Louis paid them no mind. He ran after his friend.

His friend who had kept a terrible secret from them.

His friend who’s secret had just been outed to the entire country. World even. 

His friend, Harry Styles, who had been sexually abused by his own father.


	11. Chapter 11

**A Day in the Life – part 1**

The young boy pressed his back against the coolness of the bathtub. It was a nice contrast to the heated sweat currently seeping through his pyjamas shirt. It wasn’t only his back, which was soaked in sweat: his face was pale, all blood drained and covered in a thin layer of cooled sweat. Harry could feel himself tremble. He couldn’t breath; it felt as if water kept filling up from his lungs, covering every aspect of his throat and pressing against the walls of his trachea.

He felt as if he was _drowning._

Ironically, Harry drew a wet sob. It was cut off hallway through, leaving the young boy gasping for air. He opened his mouth wider, desperately heaving in air. It was painful how his lungs kept clawing for air. His chest heaved, achingly so against his ribs. And each time he exhaled, his heart would fill with blood and enlarge. His heartbeat was erratic and his breathing none-existent.

He was dying.

“Oh god,” he cried, finally seeming to get a few droplets of oxygen into his lungs. It wasn’t enough to fulfil his lungs’ desire, but it was enough to keep him from passing out. He let out another sob, and then another one and a third one, and soon he was full on sobbing. In between every sob, every whine and whimper, he mostly forgot to breath. When he remembered, he kept on choking, drowning in tears and air mixed together. _They knew._ Not just they as in his band mates. Not just they as in the rest of the contestants.

The entire country knew.

The thought alone brought another round of panic rising from the pit of his gut. Like a heated chill rising from the darkest place within, filling every hole on its way up. He screeched, loud and pitiful, but he didn’t care. Not anymore. When the darkness reached his heart, he grabbed his matted t-shirt, pulling it tightly. It hurt. It hurt so badly. His heart was clenching, pounding too hard and too fast. His ribs were bending from every breath he took, for every beat his heart created, for every sob he let out.

Harry didn’t even notice when the bathroom door swung open. He didn’t notice the boy crouching down in front of him, tenderly reaching out to comfort him. Only, when Louis finally reached out and touched Harry, did the panicking boy realize that he was no longer alone.

Harry screamed.

“NO!” he cried, thrashing about. He had no control over his extremities; they flew everywhere, hitting anything in their flailing way. Hitting the sink felt no different than hitting Louis. The older of the two backtracked a bit, eyes wide and fearful. Not fearful _of_ Harry, but _for_ Harry. “Don’t! No! Please, NO!”

It was heart breaking, really, to see Harry like this. It would be to see anyone like this, but this wasn’t just anyone. This was Harry. _His_ Harry. And so Louis took a step forward against the thrashing boy, and then another one. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t dealt with a panicking Harry before. Nightmare after nightmare had taught Louis a good deal about how to deal with a panicky Harry. But this wasn’t a nightmare. His was reality.

He crouched down in front of Harry, pulling his arms tightly down and pressing them against his side as he’d done several times before. “Ssh,” he whispered. He wasn’t sure if Harry heard him or not. “It’s okay.” He kept Harry’s arms firmly in place for a good ten minutes before he started to calm down. His wailings were still devastatingly strong, but his moving about seemed to ease a bit. Louis took a chance, and let go with one of his arms, reaching up to Harry’s head instead. Slowly, he brought down by a soft tug of his hair, placing his head against his chest. Against his heart.

“One, two, three, four, five,” Louis counted, and then he repeated the same numbers. “Just listen to the beat of my heart, Haz. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.”

At first, Louis voice was just a sound a million miles away. Harry was under water, choking, drowning, gasping for air, and Louis’ voice was caught between the gallons of water separating the two of them. But, with every word the older lad spoke, he brought Harry closer to the surface. The plugs deafening his ears slowly popped. Finally, Louis’ voice was strong and demanding.

“That’s it,” Louis said softly, feeling Harry slowly calming down. “Listen to the beating of my heart. Can you feel that? That my chest rising. Follow me. Deep breathes now. That’s it, baby. I’m here. I’m here. You’re okay now.” He said it all softly, only for Harry to hear. Louis knew that on the other side of the bathroom door stood a crowd, a mass of people, eagerly awaiting to see what the commotion was all about. Some of them knew. Some of them didn’t. He didn’t care about them. Not right now. All he cared about was Harry.

“You’re safe now.”

The words escaped his lips before he could even register the meaning behind them. Was Harry really safe now? Louis sniffled. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d started crying. He hadn’t felt that familiar feeling of tears welling up in his eyes, the heaviness the salty water brought when they were balancing on the edge of his eye. He hadn’t felt the warm sensation of the tears finally spilling over, moistening his cheeks.

Harry’s whimpering came to a sluggish halt. He sniffled every so often; somewhere in between the two hours the lads had spend on the bathroom floor, had Harry reached up to grip onto Louis’ shirt. The older of the two had run his fingers through Harry’s mass of curls for a few minutes, but somewhere along the way he’d paused that motion. He’d kept his fingers still embedded in Harry’s curls, slightly pulling a few hair strands every now and then. Louis had taken up humming some while back. Humming every sung he knew, ranging from the Fray to old bedtime lullabies.

Finally, Harry seemed to let go of Louis’ shirt, but he didn’t pull away and Louis didn’t push him away either.

“I’m sorry.”

It broke Louis heart. How two words, so commonly spoken, could break someone’s heart was a mystery to Louis, but they did. “Ssh,” Louis soothed, not ready to let Harry explain. Not ready for Harry to confirm what the news anchor had said. Not ready for it to be true.

Harry couldn’t have been sexually abused and molested by his father. It was simply not possible. Not sweet Harry. Not innocent Harry. _Not his Harry._

“Mummy,” Harry whimpered softly. “I want my mummy.”

Louis nodded. This he could do. He could call Alice. She probably already knew. He wasn’t sure. But he could only imagine that this was all over the news by now. “I’ll call her,” Louis said. He kept his voice soft.

Harry moved around a little bit, turning his head so he could look up at Louis. “Don’t leave me.”

“Never,” Louis answered. And it was the truth. If he could help it, he would never leave Harry. He would never let anything bad happen to him. Not again. “My phone’s in my back pocket,” he said. It was a small warning, one that Harry seemed to understand. He moved slightly, letting Louis pull out his phone. “You want me to call her, or do you want to call her yourself?” The pleading look in Harry’s eyes gave Louis his answer. Pressing dial, he lifted his phone to his ear. It rang once before Alice picked up.

“I’m on my way,” was all she said. It was all she needed to say. Louis thanked her and hung up, letting Harry know that everything was going to be all right. 

Even if that was a lie.

 

\--

 

_“… experts have analysed the brief video clip of fourteen year old Harry Styles of One Direction confessing the horrendous events his father put him through. Most of them have come to the same conclusion: this was not a single event, but a repetitive nightmare the talented young X factor singer had to go through during most of his childhood life.”_

 

\--

 

Waiting while Alice spoke with Harry in the bathroom was pure agony for the boys.

By now everyone else had woken up. They all knew. Simon had called Liam, requesting a meeting. Liam had complied. He’d told Simon that _of course they’d have a meeting._ It was inevitable now. They needed to discuss the future. What was going to happen to One Direction. Louis hadn’t even thought about it. This might be the end for them.

“I can’t believe we never knew,” whispered Liam mostly to himself, but intentionally speaking loud enough for the boys to hear. He looked up. “We should’ve known.”

Louis nodded, because yes, they should’ve. Not that it was something they could change – it _had_ happened to Harry. It wasn’t _currently_ happening. But it didn’t mean they shouldn’t have known. He wasn’t sure what he’d done differently had he known.

Would his feelings for Harry be any different had he known the true extend of Harry’s past. Of course he knew that the young Cheshire lad was hiding a secret. He’d just never imagined said secret to be this.

Zayn was the one to answer Liam. Of course it was Zayn. Zayn, the only one to speak words of sanity when the situation got out of control. “There’s no way for us to have known about this without Harry telling us.”

“We all knew something was up, though,” argued Liam. He was stood, unlike the rest of One Direction, who was sat on the couch in the living room. The other contestants had left them to themselves. Their mentors ha come by, picking them up. When Dannii had come to pick up her boys, it had hit Louis hard. This wasn’t just going to affect them. It would affect everyone. “The way he would flinch. Just his whole demeanour. I mean- we should’ve known something was up.”

Zayn shook his head. “Of course we knew something was up. I’m not sure about the rest of you, but I merely figured it was something as simple as bullying. Not.. not.” He couldn’t get himself to say it. Bullying was not a _simple_ case, but compared to reality. It probably was. None of them could have ever imagined that _this_ was the secret Harry had been keeping.

“What’s going to happen now?” Niall asked.

Louis pulled his shoulder and lifted his legs form the ground, pressing them close to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. “Honestly,” he said with a sigh. “I’m not sure. I promised him I’d never leave him, and I intend to keep that promise. I guess, we’ll just have to take it one day at a time.”

“I still think we should’ve seen the signs.” Liam stood still for second, letting the silence take over and then a roar erupted from the normally calm boy, as he turned around and punched the wall. “Shit!”

Zayn got up and walked towards the younger boy. “Liam. You’ve got to calm down.”

“Calm down?! How can I be calm when Harry’s in there.. When he’s been… fuck.”

Zayn could only nod. And hug Liam tight as he cried. The older didn’t even cringe when the wetness seeped through his shirt, nor when Liam reached around his frame and hugged him tighter. “I know it’s hard,” Zayn whispered into Liam’s ear. The breath was hit against Liam’s skin, small puffs warming the patch right below his hairline. “But there’s nothing else we can do. We’ve just got to be here for Harry in every way he needs us to. You being distraught are the last thing he needs.”

Liam listened. He truly did. But he just couldn’t comply with the words. How could Zayn be so calm considering the situation? How was he not be freaked out? How was he not screaming? Crying? Fighting?

They all looked over towards the entrance as they heard the door opening. Owen walked through, bearing a grim expression. He gave the lads a reassuring smile however, before he turned and walked towards the bathroom containing his wife and stepson.

Still hugging Liam close, Zayn turned to look over towards the two remaining boys on the couch. “When did Simon say he’d be here?”

Neither Niall nor Louis knew and thus they merely shrugged. “When he called he said an hour, maybe two. That was forty minutes ago,” muttered Liam against Zayn’s shoulder.

 

\--

 

_“Will One Direction be able to continue in the competition?”_

_“If they’ll be able to? Sure, I don’t see why this would make a difference. It isn’t something Harry Styles is currently going through – the molestation that is, but whether or not they’ll actually continue, that is still uncertain.”_

_“The X factor production nor the immediate family has commented since the news broke earlier this morning. One could only wonder – did the rest of the boys know about this?”_

\--

 

After another twenty minutes the bathroom door finally swung open to reveal Alice, eyes red and tired and Owen, carrying Harry. The young mother gave Louis, Liam, Zayn and Niall a soft smile, before turning around towards her husband. They exchanged a couple of words, Owen nodded and walked away, carrying what appeared to be a sleeping Harry up the stairs towards the boys’ bedroom.

Alice didn’t follow. Instead, she turned back towards the boys and walked over. She took a seat next to Louis, her frame pressing against the arm of the sofa. She gave them all a look-over again, trying to smile. She failed. “Harry cried himself to sleep,” she said instead.

They all nodded. They all understood. The mother sniffled, a light chuckle escaping her lips. It soon turned into a frown. She shouldn’t be laughing. Not now. She tried saying something, anything really, but she couldn’t. “I’m sorry boys,” was the first thing out her mouth. Her shaky voice broke towards the end, and she had to cover her mouth before continuing.

Taking deep breaths, she tried to steady herself. Tried to come up with something, _anything_ , to tell these boys. They deserved it, she thought. She sniffled, blowing her nose weakly with the tissue she’d been carrying around the last couple of hours. She’d known this would happen. Somehow, deep in her bones, she’d felt that Harry’s secret would come out. She’d just hoped that it would’ve been on Harry’s own terms, and not something as forced as it had been.

With a final deep breath, she let go of her mouth and once again stared at the remaining members of One Direction. They all held different facial expressions. Liam looked angry, Zayn looked pitiful. Niall looked the worst, she thought. For a boy who was always full of laughter and enthusiasm, it was always the most painful to see tears in his eyes as well as a frown contoured deeply in his face. He looked absolutely devastated.

_Then there was Louis._

The boy who’d been there for Harry since day one. The boy who’d brought her baby boy to her night after night without question. Louis bore a mixture of all the other lads’ expressions; yet, he also looked absolutely and utterly betrayed. He looked hurt. Confused.

She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. What was she to tell them? Where would she start? It wasn’t her story to tell, it was Harry’s. But she knew that Harry would never be able to explain what he’d been through. Not the way it deserved to be explained. Not in the way it happened. She knew that if Harry were to explain whatever this was, he would do so by blaming himself.

_It was my fault._

_I was weak._

_He loves me._

In the midst of a hurricane of thoughts, a small pressure against her hand brought her out of her own tortures mind. She looked up, noticing Louis’ hand on hers. “Alice.” His voice was soft, almost vulnerable. The mother of two could only imagine the thoughts swirling around inside Louis’ head. Inside Liam’s, Niall’s, Zayn’s. Simon’s. What were they thinking in regards to her baby? What was the entire country thinking? Did they pity him like Zayn? Where they angry with his father like Liam? Were they blaming her for not protecting her son? Were they blaming the boys for not knowing? Harry for not telling? Louis didn’t say anything else. He opened the door for Alice to speak up. To tell them what needed to be told. And she did.

“Harry’s not okay,” she said. And of course he wasn’t. What a stupid thing to say, she scolded herself. But somewhere she’d felt the need to say it anyway. To let the boys know that her baby was hurting. She scuffed mentally. With a trembling voice, she explained to them that Harry had come to the decision to leave. “It’s too much for him.” She paused. Her mouth opened and closed, but the only sound coming was an almost soundless gagging. Through it all, Louis never let go off her hand. He gave it a light squeeze, urging her to continue. And she did. “He’s coming with me home.”

Liam was the first to understand what those words indicated. They were breaking up. They would no longer be part of the X Factor. They would no longer be a band.

They would no longer be One Direction.

Copying Alice’s previous action, Liam covered he mouth with a sob. He felt horrible. Absolute selfish. But the first thing that ran through his mind was that his dream was being shattered. He would no longer be part of the competition. He would no longer sing on a stage in front of thousand of people. They were no longer going to be in the running of winning the X Factor. And the fact that this was his very first thought broke him down.

“I don’t think he wants this to be over,” said the mother. She sniffled once again, but didn’t wipe her nose. It broke her heart though. “He doesn’t want to quit One Direction.” It was as if she could read the boys’ minds, or at least Liam’s. “But this is not something he should have to deal with in the scrutiny of the public eye. This is something he should face in the safeness of his family and friends.”

 

\--

 

The meeting with Simon was an experience no member of One Direction ever wanted to live through again. There were crying, mostly from Niall, and there were arguing. And then there was a confession that broke all of the lads’ hearts.

“You _knew_ about this?” Louis seethed. His eyes scrunched together, small wrinkles forming. His veins started to expand as he clenched and unclenched his fist. “How the fuck did you know? Why the fuck didn’t you tell us?!”

Also Alice was shocked with this. Had Harry told Simon what had happened? How else could he have known about this?

Simon reluctantly nodded his head, confirming that yes, he’d known about this. No, he hadn’t known that the media would pick up on the story and run it, but he’d known about the abuse. About Harry’s father. He’d discovered Harry’s secret. “How is not important. We’ll deal with such formalities later on. What’s important right now is how we’re going to handle it.”

“I’m pulling Harry from the competition,” said Alice with in a curt motion. “That’s how this will be handled.” Her posture let the older male know not to argue with her on this.

However, Simon proved to be unable to read such signals as he argued back. “I think the best thing for Harry at the moment is to lay low and not commend on it. If he leaves now, the media will be on him. It will put a spotlight on him.”

“No. Putting him on that stage next Saturday will,” chimed Alice, her voice several octaves higher than her normal tone.

“Having been in this business longer than he’s ben alive, I can-“

“You obviously don’t have any children, Mr. Cowell,” interjected Alice. She leaned back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m pulling him. I’m taking him back to Holmes Chapel. Where he won’t be entertainment for everyone. This isn’t to be part of your sick form of showbiz. This is my son and the horrible nightmare his father put him through. This is not a joke.”

Simon shook his head. “I never said that it was. But he signed a contract, several actually. And as his legal guardian, so did you.”

“Are you threatening me?” screeched Alice. She couldn’t believe this. How could a man, a grown man, be so insensitive towards this? Towards her son?

She let out a growl when Simon shook his head, no. “I’m not. If you truly believe that pulling him is what’s best then go ahead. But this could be used in our advantage. In Harry’s advantage. It could help thousands of children across the country currently stuck in similar situations.”

“He’s not to be used by you like this, that’s fucking sick.”

“Please, Mrs. Twist – hear me out. This is a mess. Trust me when I say this that I am on _your_ side, and whatever you deem best is the path will take. But we could possibly turn this around and make it as positive as possible.” When Alice didn’t say anything, Simon continued. “Think about it. Please. I’ll let you have until Friday, yeah?”

Still hesitant, Alice gave a nod. “But I’m bringing him home with me until then.” 

“Of course,” Simon agreed.

Alice bit her lip. Just like Harry. “I’ll be in touch.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for the delay of this chapter - but I have a MAJOR exam tomorrow and it was killing me. Hopefully, once the exam is out of the way, it'll be better (not that there won't be any more exams, but a girl can hope!) But enjoy!

**A Day in the Life - pt. 2**

 

Harry sighed, pressing his forehead against the coolness of the car window. They’d left the X Factor house not thirty minutes ago, and goodbyes had been difficult. Mostly because Harry had woken up with a scream, crying and clinging to his mum, mind far away in a vivid flashback. All four of his band mates had come sprinting into his bedroom, and had therefore bore witness to his breakdown. He’d refused to actually meet any of their eyes once he’d finally calmed down, and the last thing he said to either of them was a timid ‘goodbye’. 

He wasn’t sure if it was a goodbye for now, or forever. 

Alice watched her son from the mirror, frowning as she noticed a small tear escape. Harry didn’t bother to reach up and wipe it away, or maybe he didn’t notice it. She wasn’t sure. She’d never experienced Harry like this. Not even after everything had become public the first time. And quite honestly, it scared her. 

The person Harry was _before_ everyone found out the first time was nothing like the person he became after. Harry had always been a timid child, quite introvert at times, but seemingly happy none-the-less. He’d done _okay_ at school; he wasn’t the best student, and but Alice hadn’t minded all too much. But the person he’d become after the revelation had been sad. Sad, and scared – Harry, then thirteen, would throw temper tantrums often resulting in broken vases and hurtful slurs being thrown about. Alice, although not liking it at the time, almost wished that Harry would react like that again. Because this emotionless Harry she was experiencing right now was terrifying. She didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling. 

As they drove the rest of the way home, the car was filled with awkward silence. When they finally reached their house, Harry exited without a word and went inside. Erin was sitting on the couch, and their eyes met for the briefest of seconds, before Harry pulled away and disappeared up the stairs into his bedroom.

“Did he say anything?” Alice asked a few minutes later once she and her husband had entered their shared home. 

Erin shook her head and sighed. “No. Just looked at me really briefly before he left.” 

Alice frowned, but said no more. She wasn’t ready to deal with this, whatever this was. Of course, she’d feared that Harry’s secret might become public, what with Harry being in the public eye now and what not, but still.. it should’ve been on his own terms. When Harry himself was ready to talk about it. She sat down next to Erin, leaning her head on her daughter’s shoulder. “What are we going to do?” 

It was weird asking her _daughter_ , but at the moment it didn’t feel as weird as it should. As wrong as it should. 

“We’re going to be here for him,” Erin replied in a determined tone. “No matter what his decision is, he’s going to need our support.”

“I just want him to come home,” said the mother. She closed her eyes, feeling tears prickle behind her eyelids as she did so. 

Erin wrapped her arm around her mother, as she rested her head on top of Alice’s. “I know you do. But you cannot baby him forever. Besides, he’s home now. Take advantage of that, cuddle him and comfort him. If he decides he wants to go back, then you support him. There’s nothing else you nor I can do really.”

Alice was silent for a brief moment, before she removed her head from her daughter. She looked into Erin’s deep brown eyes, a carbon copy of her own, and smiled. Reaching up, she cupped Erin’s chin. “How did you get so smart?” she wondered.

“I learned from the best,” replied the daughter. “I have an amazing mum.” 

“I love you.” 

“Love you too.”

 

\--

 

Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn all went home as well. None of them saw a point in staying really; if Harry decided he wasn’t coming back, then neither would they. They wouldn’t be One Direction without Harry.

One of Simon’s assistants had offered to drive Niall to the airport, but Liam had stepped in, claiming that his father could do that on the way. The two of them had left a few minutes after Harry and his family, with Zayn following behind them with ten minutes.

Louis’ mum came a couple of hours later: she hadn’t managed to come down for the show the previous day, and so she had to drive all the way from Doncaster. When she knocked on the door, it was a dishevelled looking Louis who opened it. He was immediately pulled into a hug, and tears fell – thick and hard, one after the other.

“Ssh, ssh,” hushed Joy, still embracing her son in the doorway. None of them cared really that they weren’t hidden. Those were not the kind of thoughts going through your mind during times like these. “It’s okay darling. I’m here now.”

Louis sniffled, finally moving away from his mother’s embrace. He faced her, his lips pointing downwards. Joy reached up to wipe away the falling tears, before she was brought inside. Louis told her to wait in the activity room while he went and got his bags. When he emerged down after a few minutes with his sports bag thrown over his shoulder, the two of them made their way out hand in hand.

Cameras started flashing the minute they closed the door. Louis briefly wondered what the reaction had been when Harry and his mum had stepped out. He shivered, hoping that they had made it out the house before most of the paparazzi has showed up. But realistically speaking he knew that it wasn’t the case.

Louis took the shotgun seat, buckling his seatbelt in as Joy backed out of the driveway and started their journey home. Much like with Harry’s family, a tension filled the air and neither of the two really wanted to discuss the elephant in the room. But they had to, and thus Joy spoke up.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Louis shrugged, turning his head towards the window as he watched the houses pass by. “What’s there to talk about? Harry was molested by his creeper dad and some psycho decided to leak the interrogation tapes to the media.”

Joy’s breathing skipped, but she swallowed through. “Did you know?”

“No,” Louis answered immediately. He paused, not knowing what to say next. “I mean, I kind of figured something had happened to him you know?” Joy nodded her head slightly, but seeing as Louis was turned towards the window, the gesture went unnoticed. “I just hadn’t imagined it being something like this.”

“I don’t think anyone can imagine something this horrible having happened to someone.”

“And especially not to Harry.” Running his fingers through his hair, Louis turned to look at his mother. They were at a stoplight, so Joy turned to looked at her son as well. “How can someone do something like that to their own fucking child?”

Joy stalled. It was the very same question she’d asked herself when she had turned on her own TV that morning to watch the morning news. She shook her head. “I don’t know, baby.” It was the truth, because she had no fucking clue how someone could abuse a child – their own or other’s. “Some people are just-“

“Sick in the head,” Louis interrupted. “That’s what he fucking is. Sick in his fucking head!”

As a mother, a strong feeling to reprimand Louis for his swearing soared up inside of her, but it wasn’t the time nor the place. Instead, she ignored both his unorthodox choice of words. “What did Harry say, before he left that is?” The red light changed to a green light, and Joy sped up again.

“Not much,” Louis said, his voice calmer but still a tinge of anger, and perhaps a bit sadness still lingered. “He asked me not to leave him.”

“What did you tell him?”

“No of course. That I’d never leave him.”

Joy’s reaction was immediate. “Good. He lives in Cheshire, yeah?”

Louis furrowed his brows. “Yeah, Holmes Chapel. Why?” 

“You promised him you wouldn’t leave him, and I don’t want you to break that promise.” She looked towards her son once more. “I’m taking you to him.”

 

\--

 

 _“X Factor contestant Harry Styles was seen leaving the X Factor house in tow with his mother and stepfather. Earlier this morning it was reported that the sixteen year old was hiding a dark secret – for the past many years his father had sexually abused him. Roger,”_ the news anchor turned towards her colleague. _“Could this be the end of One Direction?”_

The male news anchor, Roger, nodded his head. _“It definitely could mean that yes. Remaining band members – Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Niall Horan, where all seen leaving the X Factor house with packed bags. I don’t know the definite decision, but this sure does look like they might’ve exited the competition.”_

_“Could anyone ever recover from something this gruesome?"  
_

_“Recover?”_ repeated Roger. He stalled as he thought the question over. _“In some ways I guess. I mean, you can always glue a broken vase back into its original form, but it’ll never become a complete vase again.”_

\--

 

As they rounded up Harry’s driveway, Louis could feel his heartbeat speed up. Louis didn’t move as the car came to a stop in front of Owen’s silver Ford. Joy observed her son as he fidgeted with his fingers in his lap and gnawed on his bottom lip. “He means a lot to you?” It was a question asked, but with an answer she already knew.

“He does.”

“More than a friend I mean.”

With a nod, Louis confirmed this. “Yes.”

“Have you told him?”

Louis shook his head. “No. I was going to do it. Today, even, but then.. you know.” Joy nodded her head, sad for both of the boys.

“What should I say to him?” Louis sounded desperate, and Joy guessed that he was. “Not about the whole ‘I’m in love with you’ scenario, but the, ehm.. just, what do I say to him in general?”

Joy pressed her lips together tightly, mimicking her son very much as she did so. She reached up to tug a stray of her dark hair behind her ear as she turned towards Louis. “It’s up to you. I don’t know Harry – I don’t know the things he needs to hear and the things that need to be said. You can never really plan speeches for events like these I think. The words will come to you when they’re needed.”

Louis nodded, looking towards his mother a final time. “Call me when you get home, yeah?”

Joy nodded, “of course.”

Louis nodded, leaning over to give his mum a kiss on her cheek, before he exited the car and made his way to the front door. When Louis looked back on this, he wouldn’t be able to tell you that he knocked on the door, but he must’ve because a few seconds later it opened up to reveal a young girl just a year older than him.

“Louis?”

Louis let out a nervous chuckle, looking over his shoulder to see his mother give him the thumbs up. “Hi,” he said as he turned his attention back to Erin. “Is ehm, Harry home?”

Erin gave Louis a tiny small and nodded, “he’s upstairs.” Louis stepped over the threshold; looking around the house he’d called home just a few short weeks ago. He could hear Erin close the door behind him. “He hasn’t spoken to anyone since he came home,” said the older sister.

Louis bit his lip. Maybe this was a bad idea after all. He stirred towards the staircase just as Alice emerged from the kitchen. “Who was it at the doo- Louis?” She stopped in her tracks. “What are you doing here, darling?”

“I’m here for Harry."

Alice’s face softened a bit. “That’s very sweet of you, but Harry isn’t taking any visitors right now.”

Louis frowned with a short shake of his head. “This isn’t visiting. I told him that I’d never leave him, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“That’s very sweet of you, but you should come back when everything has blown down.” She took a deep breath. “Everything that’s happened today, I understand if it’s confusing and frustrating. But right now, Harry needs to be with his family.”

Louis bit his lip, nodding in understanding. However, he wasn’t about to give up. He _needed_ to do this. “I just want to help him through this. I don’t know much about what happened, and to be quite frank I don’t understand much of it, but I’m here now. For him.”

Alice took a step closer. “You’re such an amazing friend, Louis. Truly, you are. But, having you around will make him biased. He’ll want to come back to the show, not because he’s ready, but because you’re around him.”

“Can I just see him once? I promise if he tells me to fuck off, then I will.”

“Harry doesn’t need-“

Erin took that moment to step up beside Louis, interrupting her mother. “You cannot make Harry’s decisions, mum. Louis is Harry’s best friend – you’ve heard how he goes on and on about Louis during his phone calls. I think.. I think Harry needs someone by his side right now; like I said before, we’re going to be here and support the hell out of him-“

“Language,” Alice chimed.

“But, maybe the one thing, the one _person_ Harry needs right now is Louis.”

It wasn’t hard to see that the idea really bothered Alice, and it wasn’t as if Louis could blame her. If Harry had been _his_ child and something like this had happened to him, then Louis wasn’t sure he’d ever let Harry out into the world again, nor would he let anyone near him. But he had to do this: he’d made a promise to Harry in that bathroom, and he would be there for the young curly haired lad, kicking and screaming, he’d be there. 

But, it seemed as if he’d won the mother over. Alice slowly hunched her shoulders, but she gave Louis a small smile, much like Erin had done when she’d opened the door. “Come on.”

 

\--

 

_“Vincent Styles got convicted of sexual abuse of a minor almost three years ago. He got sentenced to twelve years with parole, which means he can be out in three on good behaviour.”_

\--

It took three hours of sitting with his back against Harry’s bedroom door, promises whispered through the small crack between the door and the wall, before Harry let him in. They hadn’t talked that day, nor the following two days. Instead, Harry spend most of his time facing the wall, crying softly. Louis was right there with him, cuddling him close when he felt that Harry needed it, and giving Harry his space if that was what he wanted. Every now and then he too would cry; cry for an opportunity lost. Cry for the unfairness of the situation. But mostly, he’d cry for Harry.

It was on Thursday night, that Harry finally changed position. He turned around, facing Louis. His eyes red and sore from crying, but wide awake and sincere.

“Thanks.” His voice was hoarse and raw, even more than usual and it broke Louis’ heart.

The older boy smiled, “always,” kissing Harry’s forehead softly.

Harry drew in a hard breath, breaking off eye contact with Louis for just a short while. “I need to make a decision, don’t I?”

Louis paused. A decision needed to be mad, yes, and preferably before tomorrow afternoon. The X Factor production needed a decision, needed to know whether or not One Direction was to continue on the show. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“Sometimes you have to though.”

Louis smiled softly, “I guess. But you don’t. Not right now. Right now we can cuddle, watch a good movie and eat some of your mum’s delicious food.” He paused. “You really need to eat something.”

Harry nodded. He did. His stomach had been growling for the last day or so, and it felt as if it was eating him from the inside. But he just wasn’t _hungry._ “I think,” he started. His voice was quivering, just a tad. “I think I want to go back to the house.”

The blue-eyed boy blinked a couple of times. “You sure?” he said finally.

Harry nodded. “Yeah. I think I’m ready.”

 

\--

 

_“It was reported this morning that One Direction will indeed continue in the X factor competition. Sarah, what do you think this will mean for not only One Direction, but the remaining acts as well.”_

_“Well Lorraine. Personally, I was hoping young Harry Styles would decide to leave the show. What he’s gone through is horrendous, and I am not really sure that this is what he needs right now. What has happened to him needs to be processed, not exposed on the television every Saturday. That out of the way, what does this mean for the X Factor? Higher ratings, I’m sure.”_

_“Do you think it could affect the voting?”_

The red-haired older lady nodded. Her pink lipstick was painted perfectly on her thin lips. _“I not only think it’ll affect it, I’m sure of it. I think the public will sympathy-vote for One Direction, which could ultimately infuriate the other contestants.”_

The two ladies faced the screen, looking directly into the camera. Lorraine spoke first. _“The X factor will return. Be sure to tune in.”_

\--

 

Simon Cowell was an angry man. Enraged, was perhaps the better word. Someone had nearly cost him his only remaining act; while he did feel great sympathy for Harry, his family and the rest of the boys, then he still couldn’t help feel angrier about the fact that someone nearly cost him a lot of money. He’d broken a lamp when Harry’s mother had first announced that she would bring Harry home, and after a few hours of screaming and threats, he’d calmed down. One word was on his mind.

Jake.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii :) Sorry - I promised an update during the weekend and I broke that promise. But the chapters are getting so hard to write: I really want them to be emotional, but it's hard !! :( Haha, but I'm quite proud of this chapter anyway - please let me know what you think. ENJOY!

**All you need is love**

 

\--

 

Friday morning is spent explaining his reasons to go back to the X Factor house to his mother. More tears are shed, as Alice pleads for him to ‘please just stay here, baby. With me.’ But Harry merely shakes his head.

“I have to,” he says in a sorrowful voice. He looks his mother deep in the eye, his eyes going between her left and right as he tries to convey his reasons. “Mum, I cannot let this define me. I.. if I don’t go back, then it means that he won.”

Alice shook her head stubbornly, much like her son, taking Harry’s hands in hers. “No baby. Not going back just means to admitting that something happened to you. Something _awful_ , and it’s okay to be hurt sometimes. It’s okay to not be over it.”

“But I am,” Harry fought back. He paused, and backtracked a bit. “I’m _not_ over it in a sense that I don’t think about it every day, because I do.” He bit his lower lip and cast a glance towards Louis, who’d been sitting silently on a chair at the head of the dining room table. Refocusing his attention back to his mother, he continued. “But I am over it in a sense that I am ready to move on.”

Owen placed a comforting hand upon his wife’s shoulder. “But perhaps,” he interjected, “the public’s eye is not the best place to move on.”

Once again Harry looked over towards Louis, perhaps asking for his help, perhaps just seeking his comfort. Louis wasn’t sure, but he gave Harry a soft smile none-the-less, trying to encourage Harry to continue. Sitting beside Louis, Erin gave the two boys a look-over, her heart swelling with realization.

 _They fell in love, didn’t they_?

“Maybe not,” Harry says, his voice tired. His shoulder slumps a bit and he retreats his hands from his mothers, placing them in his lab all-the-while he keeps twisting them together. Finally, he continues. “I just.. I think about it everyday. I can still feel his heat against my skin every second of the day. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget it, and I don’t think I want to.”

“What do you mean, hun?” Alice asked bewildered. Louis also had to look up with a frown at the statement. What exactly _did_ Harry mean by that?

Licking his lips, Harry started. “I just.. I feel like I can either let this define me, destroy me or make me stronger, yeah?” He sounded slightly unsure, and his eyes kept flickering towards Louis. However, this time Louis couldn’t give him much encouragement – instead he merely kept a blank face as Harry spoke. “And I want to belong to the last category. I want to use _this_ and try to find the positive in it.”

“Harry, there’s no positive in it,” Erin spoke form next to Louis. “Dad fucking _molested_ you.”

Harry’s flinch was visible to everyone in the room, making Erin instantly feel guilty. Yet she didn’t regret speaking them – they were the truth after all.

“I know what he did. I was there,” said the youngest Styles, glancing harshly towards his sister, who cowered a tad under his stare. “But, _I_ need it to be something positive.”

Erin’s chest heaved a bit, her breathing deepening. “H,” she said, “you know I support you. Whatever you decide, I’ll stand by you one-hundred percent. But just.. listen to mum and Owen, yeah?”

There was an uncomfortable silence. “W- will you still support me if I chose to go back?”

Without missing a beat, Erin nodded. “Of course.”

Harry nodded. “I want to. I’m scared to death, but I want to. If I don’t do this now, then I might never get the chance to do it ever again.”

Alice shook her head. “Harry, you’ll get plenty of other opportunities. You cannot push yourself to be better. It wont happen that fast.”

“I don’t want to feel like a victim anymore-”

“But you are!” Erin shrieked.

“I want to be a survivor.” There was a pregnant pause, filled with complete and utter silence. You could only hear the ticking of the clock hanging above the entrance to the kitchen, as well as all of their quick breathings. “If I want to be a survivor, I need to remember what I survived. If am to let this make me stronger, then I need to remember what made me strong. I don’t want to forget. I want to move on.”

Louis sucked in a deep breath. _Fuck._ All during this conversation Louis had felt like an intruder, and he would be lying if he hadn’t wished he could be anywhere else except here. But Harry had looked him deep in the eyes the night before, held his hand to his chest and practically _begged_ Louis to stay with him for when he spoke with his parents.

Louis had agreed on the spot. Of course he had. Who could say no to Harry?

But now, hearing Harry open his heart and mind to his parents, telling them feelings and thoughts he’d probably carried around without the mean to tell a soul – it was all just too much. It _hurt_ to listen to Harry being so raw and sincere.

A silent tear ran down Alice’s face; she was clutching Owen’s hand on top of her shoulder. A quiet sob broke lose and she reached out to pull Harry into a hug. The young son reciprocated immediately, clinging to his mother as he let out heart wrenching gasps and sobs. It was an intimate moment: one which Louis once again wished he wasn’t present for, and yet he hadn’t felt more honoured to witness anything like this before. Mother and son hugged for a long time, before they finally separated.

Wiping the tears from Harry’s cheeks, Alice gave her youngest a tender smile. “Okay,” she whispered for only her son to hear. The smile appearing on Harry’s lips was beyond happiness, and it broke Alice’s heart and made it swell at the same time. It was the first genuine smile she’d seen on her son in many _many_ years. “On one condition though,” she spoke a little louder. Louis peeked up at this, having finally caught on to what this meant. She’d said _yes._ Fuck.

_They were still One Direction._

“Anything,” Harry said, his voice raspy from crying.

“I’m coming with you. Staying in the house. No arguments.”

Harry nodded and flung himself at his mother again. “Always.”

\--

 

 _“Rumours have it that One Direction have moved into the X factor house once more.”_ The petite shorthaired blonde looked directly into the camera, speaking to the million of listeners that noon. _“It has yet to be confirmed by Simon Cowell or the X Factor production, but fan recorded videos showed Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson entering the X Factor house with packed bags. As previously reported, Styles’s background of sexual abuse has recently come into light._ ”

\--

 

Harry was sat next to his mother, whom had her arms wrapped around her boy. Calming fingers ran through his messy curls, and ever so softly she would hum an old lullaby she’d used to sing to him when he was just a baby. Louis had decided to take a seat in the armchair close to the pair, and was texting his childhood bestfriend Stan. Having entered the house had been a fairly quiet ordeal. After having informed Simon Cowell about their decision to return, the mentor had displayed his happiness and promised to let the remaining boys know. When they finally reached the X Factor house most of the acts where not present.

They’d been sitting in the living room for twenty minutes when they heard the main door open. Louis put his phone away and looked towards the door, not getting up. Both Alice and Harry remained seated as well and watched as Liam and Niall walked through the door, both carrying their bags over their shoulders.

Niall grinned widely at the sight of his two bandmates. “Louis,” he cried out, dropping his bags to the floor and brining the older lad in for a warm hug. When they pulled apart, they were grinning at each other: both relieved of having gotten a second chance. Niall looked over towards Harry, who’d in the meanwhile separated from his mother and taken a stand. The Irish lad hesitated, before he opened his arms. “Harry,” he said softly.

And that was all it took before the youngest boy fell into Niall’s open arms. Harry nuzzled close to Niall, while Niall whispered how much he’d missed the younger boy.

“It’s only been a few days,” Harry said lowly when they finally pulled apart.

“You know me,” Niall shrugged, taking a step back. “Can’t go a minute before I miss someone. I started hyperventilating when Zayn was taking that massive dump last Saturday.”

The boys laughed, and even Alice chuckled a little bit.

While Niall went to hug Alice, Liam stepped forth to hug Harry tight. “Missed you as well,” Liam said.

“You too,” Harry spoke softly.

It was another thirty minutes before Zayn showed up and yet another forty before Simon Cowell walked through the doors of the X Factor house. They all went over the details: the boys had an interview in the morning, just to give a brief nod that they were indeed still in the competition. “I’ve made sure that no one asks any unwanted questions.” He said the words in a general manner, but they all knew what he was talking about. “Now,” he said after all the basic information was in order. “Have you thought about a song?”

Liam’s eyes widened in panic. They hadn’t even heard the theme yet, and none of them had even thought about a number as it hadn’t even been certain that they would still be a group by the end of the week. “Shit,” he muttered, looking guiltily towards their mentor. “No.”

Simon shook his head. “No worry. I was to be expected. I thought about some really good songs for you,” he placed a couple of papers on the table, spreading them out so all could get a good look.

Louis stretched in so he too could see what songs Simon had in mind for them when he felt a small tug. He turned his head to see Harry look at him with wide eyes. Without the comfort of his mother –who’d gone to make a few calls in regard to work, Harry had gone back to the innocent boy they’d all met at boot camp. This also meant that he’d grown increasingly quiet and timid.

“Hey Hazza,” Louis said with a soft smile. He hadn’t called him that in a while, and it pleased the older lad to see it bring out a smile on Harry’s lips. “Whatcha need?”

Harry hesitated. “No sad songs.”

The blue-eyed boy frowned, looking towards the papers and then back to Harry. “Oh,” he said when he finally understood. “No of course not.” Giving Harry one last smile, he leaned towards the boys and coughed. His eyes scanned the papers quickly, settling on a song he recognized. “Hazza and I have decided that _this_ ,” he pointed towards a song, “will be the song we’ll sing tomorrow.”

Simon looked down briefly before a soft smile appeared. “Brilliant.”

 

\--

 

After an entire day’s practice, the five members of One Direction tumbled into their room in which they hadn’t slept in for the last couple of days. They had all missed the slightly too hard beds – it felt right to be back in the X Factor house.

Zayn was out the second his head hit the pillow, which came as no surprise to anyone really. Harry crawled onto the single bed, bringing the covers up to underneath his chin as he observed the three other lads.

Louis was hustling about, looking through his bag for his toothbrush, while both Liam and Niall climbed into their own respective beds and got comfortable.

“I’m not tired,” Niall said after a moment.

“Too bad,” replied Liam, letting out a yawn as he did so. “We should all get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow’s gonna be a busy day, that’s for sure.”

Louis made a happy squeak when he finally found his toothbrush. “I’ll be right back.”

A silence fell over the bedroom once Louis had left to go brush his teeth. Zayn’s snores weren’t loud, but in the dead of the night they was the only thing that could be heard. Alice had opted to sleep in the Over 28s room.

“I’m really glad you decided to come back.” It was Niall. He spoke softly, almost inaudible. “You don’t, like, have to go into details about what happened. You don’t have to say anything at all. Not if you don’t want to.” He paused a second, almost as if he waited for Harry to say something. But when the younger one didn’t he continued. “We’re not mad at all that you didn’t tell us. I know you think that we are. But we’re not.”

“We never could be mad at you,” chimed Liam.

“Just know that we love you very much, Harry.”

Once again there was a thick silence in the room, but then, almost as quiet as Niall’s first words, Harry thanked them. Not many seconds later he felt the bed dip and Louis crawled in, snuggling close towards Harry. In the background Zayn’s snores were mixed with both Niall’s and Liam’s, who’d fallen asleep while Harry waited for Louis.

“They’re right,” whispered Louis into Harry’s ear. “We’re all here for you. What you’re doing – coming back, is very brave.” Louis licked his lips. “You’re the bravest person I know.

He could feel Harry move a little, the curly haired lad turning so he lay face-to-face with Louis. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Haz.” Louis leaned in and kissed Harry’s forehead, the younger closing his eyes in comfort at the action. When the Doncaster born boy pulled away, he whispered softly that Harry could always come and talk to him. “Anytime.”

 

\--

 

Getting onto the stage was nerve-wracking for a million different reasons. But they went out there anyway, singing the song Louis had pointed to randomly the day before.

_All you need is love_

It was ironic, really, and perhaps a bit (too) cheesy. But Louis really hoped that Harry got the message. That he with the love from everyone around him could understand that they would always love and support him, no mater what.

Harry put on a brave face as he, along with the boys, sang the song in front of not only the audience in the building, but also the many million people sitting at home in front of their TVs watching them. He tried to be strong, he truly did, but no one could blame him for the tear that ran down his cheek by the last note.

He wasn’t really sure why he was crying, let alone if a lone tear could be considered crying. But it felt absolutely right to be back. Like the many shows previously, the boys gathered in a group hug, before they turned to the judges, awaiting their judgement.

Louis Walsh was up first. “Boys, first I have to say – welcome back.” He was met with an explosion of cheers and claps. “The competition would not have been the same without One Direction. With all the media attention you’ve gotten these last couple of days, I was worried how you’d handle coming out here today, but you truly are the next big boyband. You handled this perfectly. Well done!”

“I can only agree,” supplemented Dannii Minogue, smiling at the boys as she sat in her chair in her dazzling brown dress. “This is a singing competition and I won’t go mention the week’s happenings.” She looked pointedly at Harry, who looked nothing less than uncomfortable, but he still managed to look relieved at her words. Dannii coughed, “guys. Another fantastic performance. I’ve always given you good comments, I just have to say,” she pointed two fingers towards Niall and Zayn. “You guys where struggling, I don’t know if it was caught on camera but you where struggling with the backing vocals tonight.”

Cheryl and Simon both also chose to oversee the elephant in the room, and One Direction couldn’t be more grateful. They walked away with great comments, and Harry couldn’t help but break down the minute he got off stage. Alice wasn’t far away, pulling her son into a great hug.

“You did so beautifully, Harry,” she whispered. “I am so so proud of you.” The rest of the boys all took her initiative, and went in for a group hug. They were back. One Direction were back.

 

\--

 

They made it through elimination week.

 

\--

 

Simon Cowell closed the door behind his four assistants. “Thank you all for coming,” he said and took a seat in front of them. “I’m sure some of you know the reason why I’ve asked you to come here.”

The four assistants – named Pearl, Jacob, Glenn and Peter, looked between each other, before Pearl turned towards their boss. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that Styles kid?”

Simon nodded. “It has.”

“And Jake?” Peter questioned. “Since he wasn’t asked to come here.”

Once again Simon nodded. “Yes. It has to do with both. Now,” he folded his hands on the table and leaned forth. “Tell me what you know bout Jake.”


End file.
